3 Surprising Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Listen to You

“Why won’t my husband listen to me?”

If you’ve ever said that, you don’t have to stay frustrated. If you feel like your husband doesn’t listen, you might be surprised to find that you can change the pattern without changing him at all!

Here are 3 surprising reasons your husband doesn’t listen.

Try out my tips and see what changes…

    1. You talk too much (without saying more).

Because many women suffer from a feeling of not being heard, they try to make up for it by talking more than necessary.

A husband will often tune out his wife after 10-15 minutes. When that happens, the wife intuitively notices she’s not being heard and talks more, in an attempt to get his attention. Husbands pick up on an energy of resentment and often deal with it by tuning out even more. Have you ever experienced a moment like that?

Your husband will listen better if you just share what you want to say in a few minutes.

    1. You catch him at the wrong time.

Some women ask their husbands to listen when they’re already in the middle of something.

Of course, you want your husband’s attention, but if he’s already focused on something else, he naturally won’t be able to give it to you 100%. Talk before he starts a project—and if you don’t, respect his time and let him finish.

  1. You believe he won’t listen.

If you’ve ever been caught in the first two patterns, you probably found yourself saying again, “My husband doesn’t listen to me!”

When you put that out there, you only set the stage for it to happen again. Great communication is the foundation of any good marriage. So communicate what you need. Try this:

“Honey, I really want you to pay 100% attention to what I want to share with you.
When could you give me that?”

It is okay and appropriate to expect that attention and time from your husband! When he gives it to you, share what you want in a time frame that honors his attention span and your needs.

He will be shocked when you say, “I’m done.” He will exclaim, “Really?” And he’ll be even more willing to listen the next time.

May you and your spouse both listen to one another with respect and love.

God Bless You,
Carol Tuttle

PS. Come back here next week for some tips that husbands need to hear!

PPS. If you want to better understand the nature of masculine and feminine energy in marriage, listen to this recording: Marital Bliss

Carol Tuttle

Carol Tuttle is a teacher, speaker, healer, and best-selling author of five books. She has dedicated her life to helping people worldwide create the lives and relationships they desire. She blogs to support you in creating your ideal life.

Tell Us What You Think

  • cristin

    OK, but what happens if he doesn’t respect my time and allow me to finish? Talking, working, sex, whatever – why do I as the woman always have to bend to what HIS attention span, schedule, yada yada, requires. How come he can’t just put the damn newspaper down and listen when I want to talk?

    • Carol

      Dear Cristin, consider the possibility that the most powerful reason you are experiencing this pattern is because of your own deeper beliefs. I know it’s hard to accept that when we are angry. I believe that life is a mirror and that everyone and everything that is happening is reflecting back to us our beliefs. In this case the beliefs you are being shown are, “others don’t respect my time,” “others don’t care what I have to say,” “I have to get angry to be heard.”. If reading this makes you even angrier then I am correct! Did you grow up in a large family? Do some inner child clearing and change these limiting beliefs you took on in your childhood to these: “others respect me,” “I am always heard and understood,” “I am worth other people’s time .”

      I recommend you read my book “Remembering Wholeness” and use the tools at The Carol Tuttle Healing Center, you can find both at


      • dribbleglass

        I’m not sure this is enough, Carol. If my husband doesn’t want to listen to me, it’s probably for a similar reason as if I didn’t want to sleep with him: something’s going on in the relationship. And a relationship involves TWO capable, responsible people who are having trouble communicating–not just the woman. (Though I will say that I think women can be as skillful, attentive, affectionate, and pressure-free with their conversation as they might like their husbands to be in more physical ways…but in both cases, you’d need considerate input and willing participation from both partners!)

    • iagree

      i agree as this is my experience, cristin and it is driving me NUTS. he will not allow me to finish. he will dismiss what i’m saying, even if he mistaken on what i’m talking about. carol, i dont understand what you’re saying.

    • Marwa ElSayed

      Totally agree with you.

  • Christopher

    I totally agree with you Carol! And you can get away with saying it that way, being a woman. I admire your boldness, honesty and getting right to the point. I wish I could do that but, most of my readers are women so, I take the long way around with stories to get my point across trying not to hurt their feelings and be on their level.
    But yes, your first reason is so true. Some women can talk just as easy inhaling as they do exhaling to the point you tune them out. And your second reason is true as well. Men tend to be goal orientated wither it’s with a TV show, article in the paper or a project they’re working on they want to get-r-done. Last but not least your third reason. Understanding the value of timing and communication is key for any relationship. Without it feelings will be hurt and the wires to communication will be shorted out. And let’s face it if we don’t communicate the relationship is over.
    I could say a lot more but, that just wouldn’t be right to have my comment longer than your post.
    Thanks for the good article Carol it would be nice to chat with you sometime!

  • Fran

    OK, my husband is usually tired, so I have to bide my time; I shouldn’t talk too much (but sometimes any talk is too much for him); and it’s true, our experience frames our expectations.

    But when I do talk, my husband cuts me off half way through with his opinion about it, and doesn’t listen to my reply. He seems not to have grasped the basic turn-taking pattern of conversation.

    Sometimes I think it’s not worth saying anything at all. Stupidly, I keep trying to communicate. But it’s like my feelings and opinions don’t matter.

    • v2

      hi fran,

      i can understand your point of you and how it feels. but i think u should start talking about the things he like and dont discuss with him the daily routine matter.. once he develop interest in talking u can slowly put down ur point.. hope this will work out.. god bless u.

  • Pingback: Top 21 Blog Posts From 2012 (to Bless You in 2013) - Carol Tuttle, Energy Profiling, Dressing Your Truth | Carol Tuttle, Energy Profiling, Dressing Your Truth

  • Sasha

    The link no longer works to the Marital Bliss recording. Where can I find this?

  • Bmoon

    I love this post. As I’m learning about my 2-ness, and dh’s probable 1-ness, I’m seeing that I tend to overload on the details in conversation. Aaaand, I’m (beginning) to vent negative things to friends more and not to him so much. And things are … improving. This past Sun, I became upset about something during worship and left abruptly (we drive separately-he has to be there early). I sent him a short text, letting him know it had nothing to do with him. When we saw each other next, my impulse was to offer my explanation. I didn’t. Toward the end of the evening, HE asked ME about it. Really listened. Again my tendency to keep talking creeped up, even though he was receptive and attentive. I’m thinking it’s just a habit now. Thank you, thank you, Carol, for your program! It’s the best thing I’ve found so far.

  • frustrated

    My husband has never been a good listener, ever. A couple of weeks ago, I started noticing that he really doesn’t listen to A WORD, yet, I’m not a huge talker. For example, I’ll be making tea and all I’ll say, is “do you want some tea?” and he’ll completely ignore me. Normally I would repeat myself, but eventually I just stopped and said, if he doesn’t listen, then he won’t get anything I’m making. Apart from that, I find myself repeating myself over and over again and it is driving me crazy. Things to do, what to feed the baby, not to flush the toilet because there’s cleaner in it, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. If I get mad, he’ll always have some excuse – I’m tired, I’m watching the baby, I’m pouring a glass of water (that one is NOT a joke, it seriously happened). I get that men tune out when we talk about our latest shopping find, but seriously… he can’t respond when I ask a question? Other times, its, yep, yep, ok then an hour later, “What, you didn’t tell me that!” I sometimes what to f*****g kill him. If he had alzheimer’s, I might be a bit more comprehensive, but he just doesn’t listen. He is not a bad person but if this continues, I see us divorcing. I’m finding it very difficult to be married to someone who listens to 0% of what I’m saying.

    • Lucy Mauterer

      Lol. I’ve been married over 40 years to a similar man. Post It notes or anything he will have to read sometimes works. Other times, a broomstick or 2X4 is useful. Seriously, written communication ends any confustion and accusations of “you never said that.” It also helps if the two of you are roughly the same size. (in case you need to get physical)

  • LiveYourTruthCustomerSupport

    Dear Frustrated, please consider reading Carol’s book, ‘Remembering Wholeness’ and her CD Marital Bliss. Both are available at Thank you!

  • Ivory

    Hi Carol, I understand that what you are saying, but it still sounds to me that we should not want to talk too much to our husbands. Why can’t they meet us half way some times. Just like they don’t want to talk, we still need to talk and not just to friends.

  • Sarah Armstrong

    I don’t think these 3 reasons really work for a relationship where the husband has deep, underlying emotional issues and is abusive to his spouse in any way. Not listening is a classic sign of neglect and emotional abuse.

  • LiveYourTruthCustomerSupport

    Hi Sarah, thank you for your post. Carol’s book ‘Remembering Wholeness’ and her Online Healing Center at are helpful to all people with deeper emotional issues and, Carol shares that change from one person in a relationship will initiate an energetic shift. Thank you for sharing.

  • Barb Redgreen

    Such sweet advice may work for Barbie & Ken. Not with real men.

  • easha

    i try to grab his attention when hes not doing anything and say what i have to and by that point hes already tuned me out or ignoring me and i go straight to the point, but when i do it to him its a huge fight i don’t do it all the time, just when i want him to get the point across but it doesn’t work, ive tried everything and nothing is working, its like im only here to do what he wants done and then im just there, what should i do and how can i change how this is effecting our relationship ?

  • Jeff

    As a husband looking to make my wife happy… this list is so true! Especially the first one! My thought is often “Why do you keep repeating yourself! I heard you the last seven times you said it!” Not that I don’t want to listen (my wife is wonderfully intuitive and helps me with everything), but the repetitiveness drives me insane.

    The thing that makes this more bizarre is I love talking to my wife, but I can’t handle being downloaded upon the moment I walk in the door. I just need 10 minutes to digest the day (remember a bunch of stuff happened in my day too!)

    Sometimes I can’t wait to tell her something, but she won’t let me because she is so busy just throwing 10,000 things at me. The worst thing ladies do is when we retreat (to try to process what they are saying) they talk more! ARGH, I am retreating because you are already giving me more than I can handle! Just give me a minute. Seriously. Thinking is a separate process from talking.

    Sorry for the venting, it just struck a nerve and I just now realized what it was that was bothering me.

    Anyway, it’s definitely something you can work on, but you have to talk TO each other not AT each other. When you are both willing to do that you can work through anything.

  • OhTheIrony

    The second one… “You catch him at the wrong time.” That’s the reason that I don’t listen to my husband. haha… I can’t switch focus so easily.

  • Tiwtterbug

    I have this problem and it’s opposite. My husband talks all the time. I am supposed to listen no matter how many times in five minutes he repeats himself and I can’t even join in the conversation. He talks over me, changes the subject and blows me off. I could understand not having much conversation with a man who doesn’t enjoy conversation, but this guy talks all day! I can’t function or remember anything anymore because I am on sensory overload and I don’t even have someone to talk to about any of my own concerns. It is difficult to believe that I am the problem, since I pretty much gave up on getting through to him a while back and I never even ask him for anything anymore, because I know he will just say what he needs to to keep me quiet so he can keep talking, but never actually know he is agreeing to DO something or what my problem even is. I am already living almost completely silent to him, what more could I possibly do?

    • Lucy Mauterer

      Get a good mp3 player and good earphones and crank it up. Ignore him unless you get to be part of the communication. I guess I’m pretty selfish but my husband does that to others. Blah blah blah about how great he is and how smart and this brilliant thing he has done, etc.Other folks can’t get a word in edgewise. I’ve trained him that I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANY OF THAT. We’ve stayed together over 40 years so it ain’t all bad.

  • Mars Larson

    Do you know that when men manage an “Uh-huh” every so often while the women are talking, the women feel heard? When a man just sits there with a “Are you finished yet?” look on his face, saying nothing, a woman feels dismissed.

    Did you know if a man needs 10 minutes to decompress, all he needs to do is say “Would you mind if I take 10 minutes to wind down, and then I can pay attention when you talk?” and actually does that (comes back after the allotted time), then he can GET that time to decompress?

    Did you know that if a man listens to a woman, and acknowledges what she is saying, she won’t ever think that :He doesn’t listen to me.”?

    Really, this is pretty easy, and it’s not all on the woman.

  • LiveYourTruthCustomerSupport

    Hi Twitterbug, thank you for your reply! Carol recommends changing your intention and setting positive affirmations for change. You may learn more about this at her website You may also wish to consider a membership to her Online Healing Center at And if you haven’t done so yet, read her book, ‘Remembering Wholeness’ – it is a amazing!

  • Rachel Ramey

    I was a little surprised to find that types weren’t even brought into this discussion! *I* tend to have a hard time listening to my husband (at times) and one of my children, because they have large doses of type 2 and they take for.e.ver. to get to the point (to this high-energy mama’s way of thinking). So I’m feeling #1 and thinking, “Can you please just say what you want to say?!” I imagine high-energy husbands are the same way.

    My husband, on the other hand, is more likely to be overwhelmed by me when I get “too” passionate (and loud!).

    #2 is a biggie, though. If I have something to talk about that requires an actual conversation (as opposed to a quick comment/question), it helps to lead with, “When is a good time to talk about ______?” If NOW is a good time, he can say so. If not, he can tell me when to come back. And either way, he’s had a chance to “steel himself” if it’s something potentially volatile.

  • aa8272013

    Reason one is not very likely, it doesn’t matter how much do you talk. I happened to know people who say that it is like something is blocking their ears from listening what she is saying…..some say that wives should nag if they don’t its not ok or may be this is what they think of normal…last one is true though. Women do believe that they are not listened, doesn’t know why? There is no one general formula that fits all couples.

  • britney

    I just want to share my experience and testimony here.. I was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but I still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for whole life was turning apart and I didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so I decided to try it reluctantly..although I didn’t believe in all those things… then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are case anyone needs this man, his email address [email protected] his spells is for a better life. again his email is [email protected]

  • melanie

    Sometimes when I try to talk to my husband he puts his hand up, palm toward me for me to be quiet, he doesnt say a word to me. I have told him this is disrectful and that he should ask me “To please wait a minute.” He says it’s not disrespecting me. What do you think?

  • Jess

    I like these a lot. I have learned that sometimes I just want to talk (“download my day” etc) and I let him know at those times that it’s okay if he tunes out, and he does the same with me. Sometimes I specifically start with “this is important, can I have your full attention for a minute” – he is respectful and listens, and I get right to the point. We often ask each other questions to clarify what was said to make sure that we understand each other, which helps me feel like I am heard and don’t need to repeat myself.
    As a T1 I tend to skip around when talking and not everything in my head makes it out of my mouth, so he is patient and asks for more info if I don’t make sense. I recognize that in his T4 world not everything qualifies as Important so I have learned what things he really cares about and what is probably better to chat with girlfriends about. (if it involves the phrase “oh no she didn’t” then it’s a girlfriend call!)

  • Amy

    I have a husband that I have the same issue with, I get the part about the “nattering on and on” and such. However in an attempt to be heard I try very hard to catch him at a “good” time. Good times are rare as he is ALWAYS preoccupied with work or on his computers. I tell myself that his world does not revolve around me and I have to sense that he is listening at some point. After many months of silence, and sweeping problems under the rug I finally piped up and spoke about what I needed. Sadly this proved unfruitful and he went back to his computer or whatever electronic gadgetry he engrosses himself in to escape the world. Its rare that he puts me or our relationship first, and it sux when your the one making the effort all the time. I understand about not nagging, constantly repeating myself, and creating unneeded drama. So when I begin speaking and he becomes distracted, (time frame and attention span honoured too!!!) I simply stop and walk away and that seems to be grabbing his attention. Also asking him for feedback and “what do you think” type questions seems to work well too. Even though I dont feel important enough for him to listen and be reapectful while I am speaking, I did learn alot about how to get a man to listen, a few male collegues have responded nicely as well to this. I guess this needs more work.

  • Lucy Mauterer

    I have tried all those things. He just looks like he’s listening and isn’t. We’ve had many occassions when I have asked if he could help out with something and he has actually responded yes, only to have him not do the thing in question and swear I never asked him. I often resort to Post It notes, texting, emailing, and if none of that works, getting physical always does. Note: we have been married for over 40 years and I haven’t killed him yet.

  • monica

    My name is Roland monica from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called DR omoba. He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address: [email protected]

  • LiveYourTruthCustomerSupport
  • Lucy Mauterer

    Seriously ??, you can’t tell sarcasm when you see it?

  • Dr. Casby John

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, I came across a post online talking about how she got her ex back to her with the help of the great spell caster who happens to be high Dr Odudu that he helped her though i never believe this because i was just wondering how could this be, but i gave my self hope and i contact the spell caster. this is the unbelievable that has happened to me this December I was happily married and we had three kids, we lived together as one because we both loved each other but before i knew it, my husband started acting funny and cheating on me later on, he told me that he cannot continue with me so that was how he left me and my three kids without nothing but there was nothing i could do to stop him or bring him back to me I work so had to pay the children’s schools fee and other responsibility i did this for good five years. I cry all day and night because i don’t know what else to do to have my husband back to me until this faithful day i saw the post from one Miss Mary Jane Walker testifying how the high priest helped her to get her ex back I just wanted to try my luck because i never believe it will work but to my greatest surprise, am singing a new song i contacted the great priest on 2nd of December and he told me not to worry because once he finish caster the spell, that i will get my husband back the unbelievable happened on Friday when i got a call and I was surprise to hear my husbands voice apologizing to me that he is so sorry for keeping alone and came back home and we are happy together again wow, i really appreciate your good work great Dr Odudu God bless you and your good work for there is nothing else i can say than to tell the world about you. So if any one is out here seeing this post and you have similar issue like this, worry no more and contact the only man that can help you this email:[email protected], [email protected] or call +919650553766.

  • Emilly Thompson

    I am Emilly from U.K I want to give great appreciation to the great man named prophet Abayotor who helped me in getting back my love who left me for 3years within 48hours, after been scammed by some fake spell caster which made away with my money.i was watching my television when i saw a woman giving thanks to this great man for what he has done for her,although i have been scammed by so many spell caster but i still decided to contact him i told him everything that happened and he just laughed over it and told me that my love will be back within the next 24hours at first i was full of doubt until the next 48 hours i had a call by unknown number i did not even think if he would be my love the next thing i could hear on the phone was my love pleading and begging me to forgive him and he promised not to hurt me till the rest of his life. I was so surprised and at the same time i was filled with joy and happiness, i did not waste anytime in accepting him because that was what i have been looking for, after calling, in the next 2hours time he came to my house and still pleading and begging me to forgive him the must surprising thing was that he gave me access to his account and everything that he have, for me to know that he is not going to leave me for any reason. Now we are living happily than ever before. So i want to use this opportunity to let the world to know that there are people in this world sent from God to help people to get back there husband e.g people like Prophet Abayotor, sir you are a great man. In case you want to thank him for me or you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: [email protected]. Once again thank you very much sir.

  • Chirston Michealvamp

    Hello I want to share a wonderful testimonies about prophet AKHIDE, is a powerful man, he has been a spell caster for the past forty-seven years (47) now, he has helped many people in the whole universe, even the scientists has known the man and published his name both on newspaper and on net, a friend of my in south-Africa told me that there is cure to HIV/AIDSs disease, she said that a man called DR AKHIDE, he is a prophet, and he is from Benin, Edo-Lagos… he has been helping many people and that the same prophet cured her… so I decided to take the DR address from her, and when I contacted him, I called him and wanted to share my pains with him, when I was about to start, he told me that he has already saw me on his temple before I called her, that I am suffering from the deadly disease of HIV for the past 3yrs now, which I told him that he was right, he told me that working with he alone will set me free if only I can have the faith and trust on him, that his gods is going to get me cured between I ask him what should I have to do now, he told me that there are some requirements that is needed to cast the curing spell on me and when these items is provided that he is going to get me cured…then I ask him, what are the items and how can I get them, he told me that there is a items seller here is in own country here in BINI but it is going to cost me the sum of two hundreds dollars only ($200) which I sent to him and he called me an hour later and told me that I should get a bucket of water and mixed it with a red chalk and salt and bath with it and after that I should go to hospital for check-up, which I did according to his commands, surprisingly I found that I was HIV negative….i called him and thanks him for the marvelous work he has done in my life…and I ask him what will I do for him as a gift of thanks, he said he need nothing that he is not after my money that I should only share testimonies about him so that people can contact him also for help because that is the work his spiritual father sent him to do on this earth not any other thing…so that’s why I am here now to share the marvelous testimony about prophet AKHIDE..emailed him today at [email protected] from MRS joy from Italy…..

  • Chirston Michealvamp

    What will it take the whole world to know of the great and powerful prophet called AKHIDE, He has helped many people the whole world many people came from different countries to see him for solutions, including me, I based in in UK because of my illness i travelled down from UK to bini republic to see him for cure and it did take him an twinkle of eye to heal me because I was able to provide all the requirements needed for the cure, and I am now happy that I am now +1 this year, and how which I did met this dr testimony on net I would have been in my grave and joined my ancestors today….thanks to dr akhide for his cure and his mercies he show to me… emailed prophet AKHIDE ON [email protected]

  • Chirston Michealvamp

    Thanks to prophet AKHIDE for his curing of my breast cancer and herpes which my dr told me that I will stay more than 3 months again, my heart was in pains and tears when my dr told me that I will die very soon, a friend of my in my working place told me about PROPHET AKHIDE, and I emailed him and told me that I only have to buy the items needed to cast the curing spell on me and it will cost me the sum of $500 dollars only which I instructed my first son to send the money to him and when he received the money he called me that I should give him 2hrs for the consultations and which I did, in three hours time he called me and told me that I have been cured already that I should go to hospital for check-up which I did and I found that I was negative….emailed the prophet today for more help also on [email protected]

  • Chirston Michealvamp

    Hello everybody this is a great day for me, there was a problem between me and my boyfriend that make him to friend another girl and i love him so much and there was nothing that i can do to get him back so my sister told me about a great spellcaster named [email protected] helped me to get back my ex boyfriend and he can allso get back ex husbands and ex jobs you can also contact him on [email protected] if you are having any problem with your boyfriend, husbands simple contact him and all your problem will be solved. [email protected]

  • Chirston Michealvamp
  • Ja’Njah


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