How do you help a rebellious child?
You’ll find all sorts of parenting advice for how to get a child to behave. But you need to get to the root of a child’s rebellion. Consider the possibility that the negative labels you give your children might actually create the rebellion you want to prevent.
What Negative Labels Actually Do
Think of the negative labels you grew up with.
Were you ever called hyperactive, shy, bossy, or controlling? What did those negative labels do for you? They certainly didn’t honor the real you. In fact, labels like that often confine us, suggesting we are not enough and need to fix something about ourselves.
Labeling children often gives them a negative self judgment, creates self-doubt—and in certain situations, produces rebellion.
How Labeling Children Can Backfire
Let’s look at some of the common negative labels for an active, reactive Type 3 in my Energy Profiling System: rebellious, pushy, and bossy.
A Type 3′s nature is naturally swift and determined. They like to go big and they love the challenge of experiencing life and deciding what’s right for themselves, even when there’s risk involved. What a gift!
Labeling children who have such an active, swift nature as too pushy, or trying to shut down their energy will only make them feel frustrated and limited. They push back when they feel controlled.
Rebellion is a byproduct of frustration, not a natural problem inherent in the child.
Watch the video to find out what you can do to honor an active, reactive child, from toddler to teenager. And find out how honoring your child can actually help them feel more cooperative:
I hope this video has helped you reconsider some of your child’s (and your own!) negative labels. Leave a comment and share the labels you have experienced and want to let go of now.
And if you don’t yet know your child’s Energy Profile, discover it today! It’s one of the most important things you can know, so you can avoid labeling children in ways that don’t support their true natures.
Plus, learning your own Energy Profile will help you better understand your strengths and tendencies as a parent. Learn your true nature now!
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January 12th, 2010 at 5:49 pm
How about “rigid” and “controlling”. I am a type 4 that has been continuously told throughout my life that I am too rigid and told to lighten up, relax, let it go. I can see the extremeness of rigidity as problematic. But the positive ends of rigid– organized, exact, precise– are very rarely honored in our culture!
January 12th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Thanks for your comment Megan. Energy Profiling brings a whole new light to our negative labels and puts them in a positive light!
January 14th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Hi Carol,
My sister and I went to your profiling class, she is a 4 and I am a 1. (It is amazing how we were both tried to be each others energy type) Remembering back though she was the one that rebeled and even still does in her 30s. She will do the oposite of our parents rules now just because they made a rule. (she is still good though) We were not allowed to pierce our ears growing up… She did after she moved out. I am wondering is there a difference in the way a 3 and a 4 might rebel? (I don’t really see any physcial evidence that she is a 3) Would a 1 or 2 rebel or would we become more complient and small?
January 14th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Type 4′s need to be their own authority so when they are not allowed to make their own rules, they will rebel out of the need to be their own rule-maker, even if the rules being made for them are reasonable. Type 3′s rebel because they don’t like being boxed in by rules and like to push and test the rules. Every Type can rebel, Type 1′s can rebel because they just can’t adapt to a very serious, structured life-style, Type 2′s probably would be the least likely to rebel, but if they do it is done in a more quiet, subtle manner.
January 19th, 2010 at 1:20 am
I was given a lable of being unreasonable and stubborn, loner independent, do nto need anyone e.t.c. My parents are unable to tell me what my name means but all they could say was I take after my name sake, who is said to have been Independent, unreasonable, always have to have things her way and stubborn. These were traits I think I was quite proud of until about 5 years ago when I realised that they were more of a hinderance than an enabler. I since learnt about cutting cords. I am getting there in claiming my own charateristics and not carry out someone elses.
I keep telling anyone who will listen about naming kids after certain people to remember to cut the cords and to stop highlighting the negative carateristics of their names sake, so as to allow the child to develop their own character. It is amazing how the majority of the time we highlight the negative characteristics, well at least in my circles.
January 22nd, 2010 at 1:40 pm
A few weeks ago, right about the same time that I turned 52, I found that I am a Type 1. This has been a great relief. I’ve been “stuck” in an office job for over a year, because I told myself I’d be crazy to pass up the income. I’ve been looking for a way out ever since I started the job. Now, I know why I dislike it so much. Now I understand why I did/did not do certain things while being a stay at home mom for many years. Since finding my energy type and learning my truth, in just a few weeks, I am finding my “calling”. I have started a small business, everything has just fallen into place effortlessly and soon enough, I expect to be able to leave this office job. I’d thought about this business for years, but it wouldn’t ever work out, or I became too fearful and would put the idea on hold. I’m so excited. My creative energy is flowing, I’m content, happy and so excited. And very much relieved. I AM FREE. Thanks for the Energy Profiling, Carol.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I am type one but growing up I was labelled shy and a cry baby at school I decided not to be shy anymore when I moved to a new Highschool and I wasnt really a cry baby I was being taunted by bullies in elementary school. probably encouraged the shyness or withdrawal for protection.
High school was good I wasnt popular but I enjoyed meeting new people and making new friends People liked and respected me
College was fun and I was told I was very innocent and naive and I was.
I met my husband and was told I was perfect (I wasnt ) and I didnt live up to his label and subsequently he has labelled me “always have to be right” “never admit my mistakes” too opinionated” arguementative” loves to argue” crazy” manipulative” lazy” selfish” actually the most selfish person he has ever met” all I know are untrue labels
I am learning to love me and the good I am. I want to only reguard my children with uplifting and inspiring labels. The older I get the more I believe this little statement If you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all.