Is your pattern of lateness or your partner,s lateness tendencies causing stress and turmoil in your relationship? Do you continue to talk about it, fight about it, and get annoyed about it without solving the problem? In this video I am joined by my husband Jon, my son Chris and his wife Sarah as we very candidly and honestly share how we deal with this experience in our relationships. The more insight you have to your natural tendencies and others the more choices you have to change things to create more harmony. Share your comments, how has this video helped you? http://www.myenergyprofile.com
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April 9th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Interesting discussion. Appreciated hearing from the guys. As a dominant type 3 with a strong secondary 2, I get what Chris was saying about the need for learning how to make better choices AHEAD of the crisis situation.
I’ve also learned to LET GO of some of what I “think” is important to “get done” before having to leave so that I can be on time. And being on time is important to me, though I am guilty of the type 3 tendency to try to do “too much.”
In my world, I hate the RUSHED FEELING inside when I’ve been making choices that make me late. In contrast, I really like the feeling I have inside when I know I’m going to be on time and that the other person or persons can count on me following through on what we agreed upon. The VALUE I place on those feelings is what helps me to make choices that uphold my commitments.
And Carol’s right too. COMMUNICATION is so important. And so is AWARENESS of not only my own type 3, to-the-point style of communication but also the other person’s style so we can “meet each other half way” so to speak.
To me, the fundamental keys to positive and respectful interpersonal relationships are SELF-AWARENESS and SELF-MASTERY, along with honoring each other’s differences while at the same time expecting the best of what we are all capable of.
April 12th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Hi Carol–
This was a delightful video, thank you to all of your. Thiis a HUGE issue for me. My now ex-husband was 10 – 15 minutes early, and I was always 15 minutes – 30 minutes late. Between the two, that adds up! I lead with Type One, Type Three next. I believe he would be a Type Two or Four. I am always trying to get more done than I have time realistically for. He said it was an insult to him that I was late. My three children were never late for school once in all their years or for any performances, etc. Now that we are divorced, this is still a problem as he continues to reflect, especially to my children, what a bad person I am because I am late.
I hope I can pass some of this on to my kids.Thanks for helping me see that people who truly love each other can come to understand our true natures a bit better and that will help everyone (and isn’t all life about relationships, anyway?)!
April 13th, 2010 at 8:57 am
It is fun to see the type 2 men and how they respond. I would like to see more of this. I would love to see type 1 (which I am) women with type 4 men or even just a panel of all the types in men. It would help me to see that. I have so much trouble communicating with my type 4 husband that most of the time I just don’t until it is something REALLY important. It saves on the arguments but doesn’t help us be any closer to each other.
Thanks for all you do!
April 19th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Thanks for this clear example of a Type 3 women / Type 2 men issue. I’m Type 2 dominant, but have that exact lateness pattern. I can see that being more detail oriented and planning out the steps and giving myself a window of transition time will help me avoid the last minute scramble.
Would enjoy more of these videos on interactions between Types.
Thanks, everybody, for willing to share your patterns and dynamics.
April 20th, 2010 at 9:44 am
I too would enjoy more videos like this, and to see all four types of men. Thanks for the honesty expressed here. Refreshing!!
April 26th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
I would like to know the lateness/earliness tendencies of the other types as well.
April 27th, 2010 at 11:17 am
You can find detailed information on all the Types and their tendencies in my book “It’s Just My Nature!”
May 24th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Thank you, Carol, and those who posted additional insights as well. I’m Type 1, and vascillate between a secondary 3 and 4. As far as time goes, I think I fall into the 1/3 pattern-late. Instead of trying to change myself so to speak, I think I instinctually approached it like Tai Chi. In Tai Chi, you use the movement of your opponent to your advantage and don’t try to stop or blunt it. I think I used this on myself because now I’m aware of my tendencies so in my mind, I tell myself I have to be ready way earlier than I have to leave. That’s the only way I can be close to “early”. (By the way, I don’t like being early, only like 5-10 min or so-I wonder if its my secondary type 3 wanting to fill that time). So if I have to be out the door at 8, I usually to tell myself to be ready by 7:45(because then I’m usually ready to go right at 8 and it makes me so proud of myself still cuz my goal was met) and if it’s something like an event that requires more detail and preparation(which I space on details so I think it takes me longer), than I have to give myself ample time, like tell myself I have to be ready half an hour to an hour earlier than I really do need to be. This usually helps.
I have also learned the “LET GO” concept mentioned above to compensate for my secondary type 3 tendencies with time.
The positive thing about a secondary type 3 is that when necessary, on occasion, I have been able to fly into push or swift mode and to initiate action in times of need/emergency-both for me personally or to help others. Example of this-only having 20 min to get ready for a date-from wet to dry-the fastest I have EVER moved in my life!:) Or with lifeguarding, etc.
June 14th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I am Type 3 and my husband Type 2. We attend a meeting regularly together. I now take my own car. He reluctantly saves me a seat next to him as I arrive 5 minutes late! Watching the video both Type 3 women move their hands to help express themselves and have no issue interrupting or expressing their heartfelt opinion immediately (As I do!). Both Type 2 men wait till others have finished speaking then express themselves logically and extremely adeptly (confusing to me since it appears that as a Type 3 if I had such a brilliant thought I would have to express it immediately and not wait my turn patiently in a conversation as Type 2s seem to do with ease!) I’m definitely letting my husband watch this!
July 7th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Carol,
Would you consider doing a female Type 4 with a male Type 1 segment? Or even the other way around. I would very much enjoy, and find beneficial, to see some of these patterns aw well.
My husband is Type 1 and I am Type 4.
Thank you!
July 8th, 2010 at 10:45 am
Look forward to a future post where I interview my son Mark, Type4 and his wife Jaleah, Type 1 about their relationships and how knowing each other’s Type has made all the difference from the very start of their relationship! Mark had Jaleah read “It’s Just My Nature!” the first week they met!
July 8th, 2010 at 9:49 am
I want to chime in with Jewely and say that would be helpful for me as well! My best friend is a Type 1 and her husband is a type 4 and they have had some issues working out their movements sometimes. Also, I’m a type 1, secondary 4 and so maybe that would help me too!:) haha
Thanks, Carol.
August 13th, 2010 at 6:02 am
I am a type 2 and my fiance is a type 3. I want to know how to handle a difficult situation of my type three fiance who is everyday late for work. If he continues to be late he may end up losing his job and we will lose everything. I don’t know how to stress to him how important it is to not be late without him getting angry. No matter if I pack his lunch the night before, no matter what is already done so he’s not late, it seems everyday there is something to “make” him late. He loves his job so it’s not disliking his job…I just worry because it seems if a type 2 is late we will get fired because we are expected to be on time because we usually are and a type three hardly ever gets into trouble because they are always late. But one of these days, won’t it catch up with him or other type 3′s? How do I help him to be on time. I don’t care as much if he’s late for other things, just his job. It’s all we’ve got at the moment. Thanks!