Three Things the Type 4 in Your Life Won’t Tell You

For the last few weeks, we’ve talked about how to show love to each of the 4 Types in my Energy Profiling system.

And today, we’ve arrived at part 4 in our series. Time to show a little love to our still, constant Type 4’s!

3 things a Type 4 won’t tell you… about love

Type 4’s express a constant, still energy. And although they are straight-forward, they tend to be more private in their affections. If you use our 3 simple tips, you’ll help the deep thinker in your life feel especially honored and respected.

Watch the video to hear 3 vital ways to show love to the Type 4 in your life. And let us know what you think of the things we’ve done for the Type 4’s in our own lives…

Use these tips to create a better relationship with your Type 4 spouse, child, parent, sibling, or friend.

And share a comment! What’s most honoring of the Type 4’s in your own life? And Type 4’s, what else should we know?

I love Type 4’s. Their energy is grounded and full of respect. To all you Type 4 readers, I acknowledge your deep sense of commitment to the people you love and what you feel is right. Thank you for making this world better because of who you are and the way you love!

How to show love to every Type

If you want to check out tips to show love to the other Types, they’re all right here:

And if you don’t know the Type of you or your loved one, right now is the perfect time to find out. Get all the information you need with Energy Profiling today.

Image by primenerd

Carol Tuttle

Carol Tuttle is a teacher, speaker, healer, and best-selling author of five books. She has dedicated her life to helping people worldwide create the lives and relationships they desire. She blogs to support you in creating your ideal life.

Tell Us What You Think

  • Holly

    That is nice to know. Helpful.

  • RachelJL

    This says so much about me that I hadn’t realized. I laughed when Carol said that sometimes she needs to give her Type 4 son a “time limit.” Even though I can be blunt or concise when writing papers for school, when venting to friends I find, nearly all the time, that I have to consciously make it shorter so I don’t take up all their time, too. When there’s something very important, it can be nice to have a friend set aside their time for me and have them say, “it’s okay, no worries” when I think I’m being too verbose. But I wouldn’t expect that all the time of anyone. Also, it’s helped me be more aware of when someone else needs time, too. Many has been the time when listening to someone else’s problems has made it feel like mine have been greatly lightened even if I haven’t had the chance to share.

  • Sharon

    Great information. I am thinking my 17-year-old son is a Type 4 — not quite sure yet! — so this information gives me ideas to try with him. Thank you.
    And Carol, you look amazing in this video!

    Sharon – Type 2


    Thanks for the info:
    This explains so much why my father and I had such a hard time to see eye to eye. He was a type 1 or 2. I am a 4. I love being alone and thinking and studying. I even prefer doing all of my construction alone. I design buildings so I can build everything be myself. I love reading. My father was also the most intense type ‘A’ personality I have ever met in my entire life! I think both of us thought each other was completely nuts. Art Renner, designer of the new world fully sustainable economic system.

  • Fiona

    My husband is a type 4. We were a couple for nearly 10 years before we were married and I came to appreciate so many things about who he was as a man and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. (I am a primary 1.) I must have been on the right track intuitively with him, because from time to time I am just overwhelmed with an enormous wave of love and I take his hands, lead him to the couch, sit him down and look into his beautiful brown eyes and tell him just how much he means to me. I let him know how I appreciate his heart, his integrity, how hard he works, and that his quiet, thoughtful gestures. I tell how much I respect him as a human being, a man and my husband and friend. I can tell that these private, still moments really mean a lot to him because he looks down for a minute and then looks up at me with tears in his eyes and says “Honey, you really got to me.”

    I really honor and admire his type 4 energy and I think because he gets that I do, he feels safe and will let down his guard and we can get silly together from time to time until we are both crying from laughing so hard! ;-Q

  • Maria

    Thanks so much to both of you! I have a funny thing that I just recently noticed that I do. Texting: a friend will ask me a simple question via text and I will go on about it….5 minutes later I am still texting my answer (I call it my commentary) which is really all about my feelings and passion about the question…
    I also totally relate to the special “I love you’s” not just a spontaneous one that everyone says at the end of a phone conversation. I feel, “ya, ya, you say that to everyone” response.
    Thanks so much, this subject really hit home for me.

    • dribbleglass

      “5 minutes later I am still texting my answer…”

      I do the same thing with my comments on this blog. 😀

  • Suzanna

    I only caught 2 ways! What am I missing? The listening part and the words of affirmation. Well, those are my type 4 simplifications of the 4 1/2 minute video. This video was true of me, I will be sharing it with my type one husband.

  • Malia

    I found again and again that type 4s in their specific field feel loved very much when they are allowed to be full authority and when then they are extremely carefully listened to and absolutely obeyed…I found that any even small ‘violation’ there, immediately and even seriously irritates and even wounds them and once wounded will in some cases take so much carefully considered extra effort to restore original trust and peace…

    • Katie

      I cannot agree enough with you Malia (above comment), Carol and Anne. I have found all of your points to be incredibly insightful and extremely accurate with my Type 4 husband.

      The more I remember these things, the more delightful he and I are together, and the more my seemingly easily offended and ornery husband is actually happy, smiling, satisfied…even fun.

    • dribbleglass

      Yeah, Malia, you may have a very unhappy Type 4 on your hands–or, possibly, someone who doesn’t recognize that their way is not, in fact, The One True Way (a problem for some Type 4s). I’ve been around T4s like you describe, and trust me, they are NOT all like that! The best thing you can do with a dysfunctional person of any Type is to stay completely true to your own nature, rather than getting drawn into a how-do-I-fix-this-person brain game.

  • Amanda

    How do Type 4’s show that they like someone? What is the best way to make him interested?
    If I ask if he wants to do something, and he says “I don’t know if I am able that day”, what does that mean?

    • Topher

      I am wondering the same thing about this girl i’m interested in, i’m a T2 dude and she’s this awesome t4 but she comes off icy to me and i’m not sure how to tell if things are going well

      • AK

        I’m a type 4/1.
        Though I have not been in many relationships, if someone tells me how they feel loved and I like them, I will make a conscious effort to fulfill that need. In my mind, loving someone means deciding to care for them how they want to be cared for.

        For example, my former boyfriend told me that he loved having his hair petted. I really liked him so I would pet his hair every chance I got because I knew that he would like it.
        I guess it’s the straight-forward serious nature that’s guiding me to do that.
        So, Topher, just talk to your girl and tell her what makes you feel loved and see how she responds. She may just give you a very cold response when you tell her “oh, is that so” but if she does whatever you had mentioned the next few times that you see her (after she’s had some time to think it over), you can be reasonably assured that she likes you.

  • Stephanie L.

    I really identify with needing to have a sounding board to sort out my thoughts and feel very honored when someone gives me their full attention and allows me to process with them. I would also like to add that validating statements fulfill a great need. Validation is so important to me. I desire to validate other people and to be validated in return. I realized as I accepted the fact that I lead with a T4 energy, that validation is the process of reflecting back to another what they are feeling internally. There’s that mirroring, that reflecting quality. I feel so loved and honored when another person takes the time to not only listen to me, but to validate my feelings and thoughts. It actually helps me process quicker because that validation helps me compartmentalize that specific thought or feeling and sort it because (bold and underline the word “because”) it was acknowledged.

  • dribbleglass

    This is so spot-on…sometimes hearing these Type 4 characterizations makes me question my Type 2, they’re so scarily accurate. Is it possible to live in your secondary so vividly that you truly begin to think and feel like one? I’ve often felt like an “unloving” person because I didn’t respond well to the ways my family and friends tried to relate to me: they thought I was being standoffish and mean when I didn’t want to be chatted with/snuggled/encouraged to do things, and I felt guilty because I couldn’t appreciate their well-intended efforts to make me happy. Over time, I really came to resent it! Knowing where some of this is coming from at least takes care of the guilt factor.

  • carrielee

    So true! I am a type 4 and used to tease my type 2 husband because he would tell me that I look pretty every Sunday when I was dressed up for worship. I finally told him that it means so much more to me if it is random. If I expect him to compliment me at the same time then it felt by rote or routine and less genuine.

  • Jessica Lynn Walker

    I’m a type 1, but this video confirms that my secondary must be a type 4 because those first two minutes are perfect for me! When it comes to love I feel like my secondary is stronger in a way. I mean, I love the fun and simple type 1 ideas too, but I need the first type 4 idea to be met before I feel like those type 1 ideas have real meaning. I personally like “deep” connections and expressions of love more than the “light” ones. But if you can combine them all then that is perfect and tons of fun! …Not that I wouldn’t enjoy any expressions of love in a type 1 way without the type 4 stuff, it’s just more meaningful if I feel like someone has taken time to get to know the deeper parts of me first.

  • Robin Smith

    I wholeheartedly support details and random thank-yous and I-love-yous rather than rote ones. “Thank you for all you do” leaves me feeling empty. “Thank you for making sure the kids eat their vegetables” means more.

    And practical is good, too. I may not be like all T4s, but practical gifts mean more to me than roses or flowery cards.

  • Colleen Brady

    I’m a type 4 and my husband is a type 2. Recently we were having a guest at our home in the evening. My husband had expressed that he wanted to be able to offer coffee and bottled water. I put a lot of effort into not only fulfilling those requests but also thinking what else might be important details to be prepared for. I cleaned the house a bit more than usual, changed lightbulbs, bought water bottles and fed the kids early so they could relax elsewhere in the house. These were ways I was “loving” my type 2 detail oriented husband. He unfortunately came in type 2 energy blazing and focused on the “missing” details — giving me several other “to do” items. I was able to express that I was upset by this as he had failed to recognize all the effort I’d already given and especially to details he hadn’t specifically mentioned. He obliged with recognition and we worked together to finish our preparations.

  • fiona64

    I know I’m very late to the party on this one, but I think it’s worth mentioning that no one should have to read your mind. And, it’s also worth mentioning that you do not have to agree to go to a restaurant you don’t like. You can always say “You know, I don’t care for Carl’s. I don’t remember whether I’ve mentioned that or not. Could we go to Jack in the Box instead?” or whatever.

    I’m a Type 3, BTW.

  • Ady Luz

    Both my husband and my sister are type 4. Although their secondary enegrgy is quite different I’ve come to appreciate them even more than before (and I felt I had a deep appreciation for them already). I’m a type 2 and most of the time (maybe always) I let my feelings guide me through life, and where they have come into play is when those feelings become so overwhelming that I can’t seem to find an escape goat, their calm and sound mind will filter and help me sort out, proritize and make decisions. I’ve learned to understand their need for perfection and appreciate it. My husband is a very loving 4/2 and appreciates so much every detail I put into our relationship. I find that he really likes it when I write him love letters and even the little notes I add to his lunch on ocassions to thank him for his every day efforts for our small family. He has kept every single one of those notes in a binder for the past 7 years and I’m sure he will continue to do so. My sister is a much more practical 4/1, and she is an inspiration. I appreciate all the knowledge she shares with me and I try my best to show her that. She’s much more private in her display of affection and I try to not overstep that boundary (and being the love dovey type 2 that I am, it’s been quite a challenge haha). But I find that just by honoring her intellect and appreciating the teacher in her, as that sound board Anne mentions, I’m showing her all the love I have for her. Loving a type 4 is easier than it seems, if you respect their much needed space and you come through when needed, you will get an amazing wave of love back from them.