I am joined by my Type 2 daughter Anne in this 4-part series, in this first video, we talk about Type 1 children who have the highest movement and can have a hard time sitting still and focusing for long periods of time, yet Type 1 children are brilliant. Let us help you tap in to their brilliance by parenting them true to their nature! What Type is your child? Go to http://www.myenergyprofile.com
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October 22nd, 2010 at 9:48 am
Thank you! This even helped me with me. There is a lot of type 1 energy bouncing off each other in our house.
I find that I even as a type 1 get overwhelmed with my type 1 son. I feel it screaming at me. I know that is because I am trying to control (police) myself and “he gets to be himself”
He always wants a party (plans his next birthday party the day after his birthday),go somewhere, watch TV and on and on. He won’t change for me. He keeps being true to himself.
Thank you for you wonderful insights.
October 22nd, 2010 at 11:29 am
Thank you, Carol and Anne, for your sharing. Even though my son Kalob is a 4/1 what you’ve described IS how he handles his homework. He needs “down”/fun time after school and he wants me to just sit with him while he completes his homework. He often taps his pencil, wants music playing, talks about other subjects, etc. It gets frustrating in my 3-ness in “why can’t you just ‘get it done’” mode…LOL…but I am learning to adapt to his nature of handling things. He IS brilliant; almost always a straight A student, but had two E papers this quarter because they weren’t turned in…one his name was left off and the other, no clue what happened to it! LOL I love seeing how the DYT and energy profiling fit in with my family and how I can assist them in their tasks while still being true to themselves. I look forward to the T4 child video and to see where I can assist him from that leading type of his nature as well.
October 22nd, 2010 at 5:37 pm
My daughter is a 1 and yesterday at parent teacher conference her teacher said that she learned something with our going out of town for a couple weeks. When she puts her in the hall with less distractions she gets her test done faster with better scores then in the class. Because she isn’t looking after everyone else and getting distracted. My daughter says that she just gets “dazy” in class. I have had to tell her that just because she knows her type she can’t use it as an excuse to not do the things that she doesn’t want to do. She is in 5th grade this year and it has been the most struggle than any other year.
October 22nd, 2010 at 6:03 pm
I think another motivator is the T1 child’s desire not to disappoint people. I am beyond the homework years, but at work my motivation for completing the not so fun projects is often just knowing that someone is counting on me. I love it when something I’ve done is just what was needed to brighten someone’s day or make them more successful.
October 22nd, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Elementary and junior high was my fun zone- I had friends, recess, fun fun fun. I had no desire for amazing grades. I was average at best. I think a lot of type ones find themselves or their children in this mode. I like the comment where the daughter can’t say she ‘s a type 1 and get a way with being flighty. I learned that was my tendency- to be flighty and free. I realized my goal in 8th grade. I wanted to be a Jr. Miss and I wanted to go to BYU. Could I attain those goals with my current mode? No. I had to realize my tendencies and improve them. 4 years later, accepted to BYU, Alpines Jr. Miss and graduating with a 3.95. All through it still living true to my type 1 nature. Just had to learn how to develop the tendencies.
October 23rd, 2010 at 11:37 am
Awesome comment @Jbird, glad to see you commenting on here!!
October 25th, 2010 at 8:40 am
Unfortunately, I am the type one here, and my kids are grown, but it did help me to see where I had SO many problems in school. Now I can use it in other parts of my life. I just thought (and everyone else, also) that I was a flake and couldn’t stick with anything. Now, I realize that I love to do so many different things and it’s ok for me to put it away , do something else, and come back to it later. When I was trying to live as a type3, I would be driven to complete a task, and could not do anything until it was done.
Also, what a great idea about giving the book to the teachers. Think how this could impact the teaching system, when teachers understand and help children based on understanding how they best learn.
October 25th, 2010 at 9:35 am
I also found this info. helpful to me. I am a type 1 and 4 out of my seven children are also this movement! Now I get it!! I loved the suggestion of haveing 2-3 homework assignments that they can bounce back and forth between. Also mucic is a must in my house! We do everything to music. I know it really helps me enjoy what ever it is I HAVE TO DO! Also having something to look forward to is a must when you current task is a drag!
Thanks again Carol and Ann for your insight. Now please help me with my type 2 children!!! Can’t wait for the nest discussion.
Thanks
Julie
October 25th, 2010 at 9:47 am
My type 1 daughter is a junior this year and doing really, really well. Truthfully, this is a kid who had to be left alone to find her own groove. The only strategy that worked was for me, a type 4, and her father who is a type 3, to get out of her way. Once her academic career was her own, she found the motivation to get through her work. And, yes, she needs a coffee table. Her books are out and about, and she moves from task to task as she feels she must. She’ll get up and trot around from time to time too. I let her manage as she sees fit! I just wish We had let her have a freer rein sooner.
She and I are very close and have laughed about how different we are in our approach to challenges. If she brings a problem to my attention, I stop and ask if she wants feedback or a solution before giving it. Many times, she doesn’t, and that’s okay.
October 25th, 2010 at 11:15 am
My daughter is Type 1 and we homeschool her which allows us to break up the sitting time. I’ve found with her that incorporating art, music and movement into her lessons is a huge help. If she can draw a tree while she studies tree growth or jump up and down while doing math flash cards, her attention is held and she’s not whining. A win-win for both of us
Math manipulatives on the floor are also a great way to “study”. These tactics would never work in a traditional school setting!
October 25th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Tammy, I homeschool my type 1 son as well and we do the same exact things that you described. I am so glad, because it would be so much harder if they were in a strict classroom setting!
October 28th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
When I was doing home school I would play Rossini’s fantastic overture to William Tell and this created so much energy to get them going and sometimes use it for when they were taking their math quizzes. Just thought you might want to give it a try. It definitely makes it fun and teaches them classical music at the same time. There are so many great classical composers’ to learn about for your music studies. Here is a little background history about this overture I thought you might enjoy!
Rossini’s oversized spectacle Guillaume Tell, his last opera, is not widely performed these days, but the famous overture lives on in countless orchestral performances, television reruns, and whistled renditions of its final section. Sometimes even that final section is excerpted from its surroundings, but listeners to such performances miss the scope and variety of color that give the overture its power. It begins with a celebrated quiet section for cellos and basses representing a peaceful sunrise in Switzerland; a storm then breaks out, followed by a wonderful English horn solo representing the pastoral scenes of mountain meadows. The famous trumpet call heralds the patriotic Swiss army, and leads to the equally famous double-time galop used as the theme to The Lone Ranger program on radio and television. Partly because he stopped composing while still a young man and partly because of his contemporaneity with late Beethoven and Schubert, one tends to think of Rossini as a musical conservative whose music harked back to a Classical ideal of natural melody. Yet Guillaume Tell was in many ways the first grand opera, and its overture, unprecedented in its time, was recognized as a cornerstone of the orchestral repertory well before the first Hollywood cowboy rode into the studio. In its vivid programmatic qualities and in its use of a rousing popular dance (the galop), the overture, chestnut though it may be, was once well ahead of its time. ~ All Music Guide, Rovi
October 25th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Omg these are AWESOME comments!!!! I wish I has had these tools and training years ago when going through school before college. Carol and Anne pointed a couple things out that are very true for me-I’m in college right now and if its something like a paper or having to memorize things, I need to approach it like a type 4 and it needs to be quiet with no one around otherwise I will get distracted, but if its busywork then i totally need to go at it like a type 1-ppl around, talking about diff things, jumping from subject to subject, music etc.
One thing that definitely pertains to me as type 1 is how I clean-I really cannot clean anything other than in a type 1 way-if its not fun it is REALLY hard to make myself do it. Like pulling tooth and nails. I learned this through many years thinking I was just lazy, but if I’m cleaning something with other people, and music is a must, then I’m good. I also like to get it done FAST and I think thats why I like to do it with other ppl. My family has a more type 3/4 dynamic so it was all about getting it done vs having fun. Always thought I was just lazy and didn’t know how to work but now I understand my type 1 better. Thank you Carol.
Also, if its something where ppl can’t really help me, the next best thing is if someone will just sit around me. They don’t even have to do anything or help, just their presence is enough.
October 25th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
I think this was so funny to hear. My oldest is a T1 as well as my husband.I am a T2. When our Kate started school I felt like school work needed to be done before she was able to go do anything fun. My husband thinks that they should get to go and play first and maybe even let it wait to the next morning. I was so baffled at that. how could he think that was being a resposable parent. He was not thinking of the details and the what if’s that could a rise and then the school work would not get done. He never thinks of that. But he understands her and how she needs to do things. So maybe now I will meet him half way. She can do a little of fun but it has to be done before dinner. I need my sanity. I need to check it of my list of things to do. Yes I am T2/3.
October 28th, 2010 at 2:01 am
Hi,
I have to disagree with Anne’s advice in this video. One of the worst things for a Type 1 child, leading to even more disconnect, is the idea of an extrinsic reward system. This is because it’s important to define your values and then live accordingly, setting up carrots and/or sticks just serves to encourage people to live according to others’ values. I find with Type 1, one needs to speak more with them about cause and effect, eg DO you really want to do your homework, and what will happen then? and is that OK with you? and how can I support you with this.
I’ve yet to work out which type my daughter is, but when she found it hard to concentrate doing homework and was planning on just ignoring it until, until whenever; I let her lie down on her back on her bed, reading her history notes, while I sat next to her on her bed and held her head. This helped her to feel centered long enough to read through the notes.
Type 1′s need follow-through as much as all the other types, or they feel horrible, like they are betraying themselves. However, they need support for that followthrough, like you said. Only, I think that that support should follow their leadership and not take over with a prize system, as you suggested Anne. Thanks for all the other wonderful ideas and advice you give us, and for allowing this forum where we can share opinions like this.
October 28th, 2010 at 8:52 am
Dear @Rachel, Thank you for your comment, but I have to strongly disagree with you. (Just so you know, you got me going on this one, and I have a feeling you are going to hear from some other parents as well!) until you parent a Type 1 child I have to take your feedback with a grain of salt. As a parent of two very Type 1 children I know Anne’s advice is right-on. I don’t think anyone should be commenting on this blog about what they think is best for different Types of children in how to parent them unless you have those children. As the comments show from parents of these kids these suggestions work. In all honesty you sound like a Type 4 who has issues with Type 1′s and believe they drop the ball and they need more structure to follow through, which when not balanced with enough fun kills it for them. Their motive to follow through comes from keeping things fun and animated. Animated means bring to life, give inspiration which is the movement of Type 1′s.
As far as your opinion on extrinsic reward systems, are you kidding me, this whole culture runs on extrinsic rewards systems! Most people go to work everyday just to get a paycheck. I think having fun rewards no matter your Type or age is a great incentive. What’s wrong with an extrinsic reward, is that superficial. Hmm, if so Type 1′s due to their light airy energy and nature of being motivated by simple fun rewards are deemed superficial people, such an unnecessary judgment of their natural expression that blesses our world with light and brilliance- what we call fun energy!
My oldest daughter, Type 1 Jenny, graduated with honors in Vocal Performance as a star Mezzo Soprano from the University of Utah’s Music School. She struggled when she got too serious about it all and had no rewards for her efforts, and she excelled as she stayed true to her nature, her quality of “leadership” when she was living her truth. One of her rewards was performing. She doesn’t like to just sing to sing so much, but she loves knowing she is practicing for a recital or performance, as she loves to sing for others in front of others, this is her reward for her effort and motivates her to practice. Just the other day I asked her, as she is the mother of 2 little boys now, “Jenny, are you singing much?” She replied, “No mom, I just don’t have that much fun singing unless I know I am going to be performing, I don’t like just singing by myself without that to look forward to.” Rewards don’t always have to look like a piece of candy, they can be experiential too.
I’d love to hear from more parents of Type 1 children on how creating fun, playful approaches to homework, and giving them fun rewards has made all the difference in helping them follow through and get things done in their life. We are not encouraging Type 1′s or any other Type for that matter to use their nature as an excuse to not be responsible in their lives.
PS- I just got to thinking, are you a Type 1 Rachel? I am curious how you know so well what a Type 1 needs and that they feel horrible and like they are betraying themselves if they don’t have follow through? If you are Type 1 are you trying to operate on a model that is against YOUR nature, one that was taught to you when you were little?
October 28th, 2010 at 10:10 am
I see a lot of value in rewards, really who would get up every morning and go to work without the reward of a paycheck? I think just throwing a child a “doggie treat” for every little thing they do can lead to the expectation that you always have to get something for everything you do but when it is an earned reward I think it is great. We are a homeschool family and if my children didn’t have rewards then they would just sit around and play all day. We have taken my son’s math book and throughout the book dated the pages, if he is to that page by the date then there is a certain reward attached to it. At the end of the book there is a $20 bill taped and if he completes it by the end of the school year the $20 is his. I don’t think it is bribery, I feel that if he puts in the hard work and does a great job he can work at his own pace and earn the reward for his hard work. If you don’t like the “fluff” rewards such as candy I think it is great to set up a system to earn a special trip or maybe rack up points that can be exchanged for a “paycheck” so they can buy a ticket to a movie or I read a book when my older children were younger where the parents set up a system for the summer, the kids had goals of things they wanted to work on and accomplish. At the end of the summer they had earned money with the system so they could buy their own school clothes. The kids that worked hard and earned a lot got to buy more than the kids that didn’t earn as much. Yes, as children get older they need to learn the value in doing certain things just because it is the right thing to do and I loved her question of do you want to do your homework and what would happen if you didn’t. Taking responsibility for consequences is important but children don’t learn from total drudgery they just learn really well how to get around things and hide the fact that they didn’t do their best or maybe didn’t do it at all. As they get older the rewards stop coming from us and start showing up in the real world, the child that works hard gets a part in the play or earns their way into the college they want or gets the job they desire. I don’t think we would even go to work just to earn a paycheck if there wasn’t anything fun to spend it on.
October 28th, 2010 at 10:15 am
Oh, I forgot to mention that even with our little ones they have the chance to earn a certain number of bedtime stories depending on how fast they accomplish bedtime routine. One story for each thing, jammies, teeth etc. that way they have the pride of owning their own power and the consequences of deciding not to.
October 28th, 2010 at 10:28 am
Dear @Stephanie, Thank you for your comment and fun ideas- maybe you are a Type 1! I am curious do you know your childrens Energy Types? You have shared some great ideas, thanks. I want to add I agree it would be nice if it motivated a Type 1 child to ask them, “What will happen if you don’t get your homework done?” Tried that hundreds of times with my son Mario, it never worked, it was never motivating to him, I kept thinking it should work and it drove me crazy that it did not work, because I thought it should. I learned that just because I thought it should did not make it an effective parenting approach! As he and I both learned to honor his need for random movement and fun, he is succeeding at life more than he ever has.
October 28th, 2010 at 11:46 am
You’re right I am a 1! I have 4 type 1 children, 2 older and my youngest 2, and a VERY type 4 daughter a son that I can’t figure out what he is and the last daughter I suspect she is a 2 but with a secondary 1.
November 1st, 2010 at 12:00 pm
I would have to agree that asking them what will happen if they don’t get it done” just does not work. My Type 1 girl just says I don’t want to do it. She will just sit on her bed all day( and thats her idea) and daydream. she could care less if it gets done. If its not motivating in someway like doing something she wants to do I can not get her to do it. When she was little I had other women tell me I needed to MAKE her do things. Why would I do that I thought. Also I wondered how do you do that? I am 2 and these women are 4s So I guess that might be why.
But anyways I learned that I get more out of her if I let her make the choices. She picks out what to wear and I most of the time will let her. Yes sometimes it is crazzy. But so what. Do I care about her finding herself and who she is ment to be or do I care more about myself and what others will think of me. I want her to be her. I LOVE who she is. She brings so much joy to everyone. I have found she ONLY is happy and making others happy if she is herself. A little girl that thinks so fast and says the most off the wall things,gets to move all over while writing and singing all the time.
If I make her sit still and not sing because it is not the time, or be stickt with things and make her go and go and go with what I think she needs to be doing. She is sad and has no life in her. I will spend $50 on stickers and candy( I have found that candy is not that big to the Type 1 in my life. Unless sometimes it is a Fun candy or a new one they have not had before.Stikers work better.) and things to help her find bugs or make something. I will if I get to have as Everyone says “That is so our KATE” People see her and have to smile. If and only if I’m leting her be her.
I also want to thank you for following (if its ok) God! I feel like it has been a great blessing from him. I would have never understoud My children and I would be so lost from my Kate. Thank You!
P.S I have to tell a story about her in K. She would always have to go to the bathroom in the middle of class all burned out.She would be gone for a long time and then come back ready to learn. Well one day one of the teachers followed her. SHe would go in the bathroom and sing at the top of her lungs like there was no one in the world but her. The songs were always about what they were learning. The teacher recorded it and had it as a ring tone on her phone. So I ran with that and we sing about homework. Her songs are really good. most of them I think they are real songs.
October 28th, 2010 at 8:53 am
Just what I needed! I’m a Type 4 mom with a total of 9 children. My older children are 2′s, a 3, and a 4. So I thought I had the homework thing down pretty well (under control). Then I had three Type 1′s and I thrown for a loop! Now that they’re school aged, doing homework has been a HUGH challenge. Everything that worked with my older children doesn’t work with the Type 1′s. Thank you so much for the information and the ideas on how to motivate them.
October 28th, 2010 at 9:07 am
Dear @Deborah, I love it, how Type 4 of you to want to have things “under control!” Due to my very developed secondary Type 4 nature, I tried that approach with my adopted Type 1 son Mario, who we adopted at age 15! All that resulted in is him running away right after he got out of High School, and I can see now how I was the driving force that created that outcome, he could not survive the overly structured environment we thought he needed to be responsible in life. He is 23 now and doing really well, and our relationship is healing and looking very bright for the future as I honor the truth of who he is! Thanks for your comment.
October 28th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I appreciate that you have the courage and honesty to get on here and tell everyone the mistakes you made, and how you found the answers that worked. How many of us would do that? I am grateful that, thanks to you, I have found my niche, and I am understanding and honoring my children now that I am understanding their type. We can’t really go on a blaming trip here, just as I can’t blame my parents for doing what they only knew how to do. But!!! Once you have the knowledge, you ARE responsible to act on it to the best your ability. And it’s good to be open minded and see someone else might be able to teach you something if you are teachable.
October 28th, 2010 at 9:57 am
My whole family are type 1s. I have been working with my son on potty training and I have found that the reward system works way better for him. I took it away to see if that would help and it only made him resist. Once I incorporated the rewards and letting him tell me when he wants/needs to go it has been such a better experience for everyone! I have also found when things aren’t fun and light around here we have rougher days. I have found that the information that Carol teaches is right on the money! I could go on and on with more examples. I am so grateful to her as it has helped me to understand my husband, kids, and myself better. Thank you again Carol!
November 1st, 2010 at 12:13 pm
With my T 1 we would dance and sing for her and wow that worked realy great. But when I got to my T3 and T4 children if I sang or danced it would make them resist big time.
October 28th, 2010 at 11:29 am
I am a type 1 and can attest to the benefit of reward for myself! But, I homeschool my 3 daughters, who are type 4, 2 (and I think my 5 year old is) type 3, and I know rewards work for ALL of them! Who DOESN’T like to work toward something, and really, do kids want to do something just for the sake of doing it, if it’s not fun? Yes, in real life, that is sometimes a necessity, but we are forming good habits in our children by rewarding them, I believe. I know, as an adult, most of the time I dont even want to! Thanks for talking about parenting different types, it has really made my think about how I really need to parent each of my daughters differently, according to their type and not just their age!
October 28th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
This is what has been successful with my type 1/4 son who has had a terrible time with learning disabilities. When he has really young, he had a hard time learning the alphabet and the only thing that worked was buying Alphabet Cinnamon Cookies and he couldn’t eat the cookie unless he gave me the correct letter. He learned real quick! I also would give him a piece of candy for every problem he did. Giving him a break after 15 or 30 minutes of studying. I would also sing some of his homework. Now as a high school student he discovered the IPOD is now FUN to write down his home work assignments or notes from class. It isn’t as fun to write it down on paper in a notebook where it is going to be lost anyways. He also has discovered that he has to listen to music in school in one ear to help tune out the other distractions. The teachers have been fine with this since his grades have improved with this method.
October 28th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
I loved listening to this…I do have a type 1 child and I am a type 1. I wish I heard this while I was growing up. I did need motivation to be able to get my work done, my motivation was actually to work really hard at school to finish it all so I had more time to play when I got home. My youngest is a type 1, and my other two children have a type 1 secondary. We all have tons of fun because we like to have some fun before, in the middle and at the end of each task to keep us all motivated. We will turn on the music and dance, or do as I call it drills, where even my 1 year old can follow…it is a blast!
October 28th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
I am a type 1 who grew up with a type 4 mother. Now that I understand the types, I understand why she would say “Oh that’s nice honey, BUT…” about most anything I did. It’s just her type 4-ness and wanting to do that last bit of perfection.
But that affected me greatly because the message I got was that nothing I did was good enough. It took a lot of emotional work for me to come to realize that I was not defective. And, in fact, that it’s okay, and even a good thing, to be me.
So I would suggest that parents need to be careful of imposing their ‘style’ on their kids. Understanding these energy types is very helpful for that.
The comments about the TV on, etc. were great. Now I can understand why I knitted my way through college. I could actually concentrate better in class if my hands were busy. Actually that’s still true.
And those rewards! Oh yeah, if there’s something I just don’t feel like doing at work (or at home), I can motivate myself with a promise of something fun once I finish it. Maybe going for a walk on a gorgeous day or sitting down with a good book.
And I will also feel really good about what I accomplished (that results thing).
It turns out that doing something that gives me joy is a good thing – huh, who knew?!
But seriously folks, joy and fun and rewards are just ducky!
Sheesh – getting more and more type 1-ish here…
October 28th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Wow! There is so much parental wisdom out there, I am impressed! Well said, Stephanie, and right on the money! (hee hee
)
When my children were in preschool, I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to take a series of parenting workshops taught by one of the teachers who was an expert in child development. The concept I remember the clearest is the idea of logical consequences; i.e., if it’s cold outside and you leave the house without a coat, you will be cold (unlike what my mom often said when I was young, “You should take a sweater, I’m cold.). You can’t make another person do something they don’t want to do, but there are consequences to such action. Now that my kids are older, e.g., I suggest a bedtime because I know how much sleep they need to feel energetic the next morning. If they choose to go to sleep later, they’re the ones scraping themselves out of bed in the morning and dragging through the day.
This goes for me, too, especially now that I know my kids are T1 and T4 (teens at this point – better late than never in knowing this). My T1 needs to build in rewards for himself throughout his homework routine each afternoon: going for a walk outside, reading a chapter in his favorite novel, watching a bit of an afternoon t.v. show. If I don’t help him adhere to this, I suffer the consequences of a very unhappy, crabby T1 who will likely have a meltdown during our family time of eating dinner together or hanging out afterward.
It wasn’t the parenting style when I was growing up to give rewards. A job well done was supposed to be its own reward. This wouldn’t work for my T1, but it certainly works very well for my T4 (although T4 appreciates some of the fun activities my T1 does). I agree that money as a reward serves because the funds can buy the exact item or experience we want, from childhood into adulthood.
Add to all this the fact that my T1 is a primary kinesthetic learner. He just learns and retains information much better if he can move, bounce, touch, tap, and do rather than just listen or see. I’ve had to explain this each year to his teachers. My T4 is a primary auditory learner, the perfect modality of the standard public school experience. I sometimes wonder if a percentage of kids who are diagnosed as ADHD are really just normal T1s and/or kinesthetic learners.
I had an “AHA” moment in watching this video, and from what I read on the DYT forum, a number of the other parents of T1s experienced the same feeling. Thanks, Carol and Anne, for helping us keep our eyes open to live our truth.
October 28th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
Wow!!!! I commented already but I had to come back and say that I having fun reading these responses that are being posted. It is stirring up all kinds of thoughts and emotions. I agreed with the women who said that we shouldn’t rely on rewards for things done. BUT then I read what you said about life is about rewards… I realized that that is so true, why are we here? It really is all about the reward. I as a type 1 am suppose to continue to remind the world that this life is exciting, fun and joyful AND that there is a great reward waiting for us. I have allowed my experience (from birth) to forget that.
I am a very busy person. I have 4 sons. I just started homeschooling, and I run a preschool in my home. I am realizing that I have been so busy “working” and doing for others that I have overwhelmed myself. I will go along and then freak out on everyone. I realized that it is because I am telling myself that there is no time for fun, no one gets fun until it is all DONE! I find that I will go into the kitchen and eat ice cream, and treats – like crazy. I am rewarding myself. So I went and took a sewing class I have been wanting to do.
I am noticing also that my type 1 (7yr old) has been just going crazy too. Tonight while cooking dinner he kept asking for TV, treats… so I asked if he would like to make buscuits for dinner. (He loves to cook)so he did, we talked and played. He then cleaned the dishes, washed the sink, cleaned up toys and kept going. He was so happy! He just loved the reward of a simple fun project and the kudos that he got.
Thank you for reminding me of my mission in life.
November 1st, 2010 at 3:36 pm
Thanks Amanda for that beautiful comment and everyone else, especially Carol. I did not mean to push anyone’s buttons.
I think it might depend on the age of the child and what the child actually wants. With a little discussion, it may turn out that the child really does want to do her homework and yet is lacking in one or more skills or abilities. If Type 1 (or other kids) spell as they like and/or decorate their notebooks as they feel like, then they may be unable to make much sense of their notes. This can make studying for tests a big turn-off. What worked for us was to photocopy another child’s notes each time there was a test, or to buddy up. There are other skills or requirements that Type 1 kids might have a hard time identifying, but with support they can make all the difference. A desk to themselves. A pretty desk. An easy to use filing system. Yes, they may want music on, but can they concentrate with three other kids around? They may not care to hand in papers late, or they might care very much, but be too disorganized to do anything about it. I am a Type 1, and as I said, I think one of my daughters is too, although she’s not ready to type herself yet. The above has worked well for her, and so has lending her an MP3 device to record herself reading aloud the text for a test, and, as I mentioned, stroking her hair gently helps her to concentrate. And in case you’re worrying, she finishes school at 1 or 2, and spends a maximum of 10 minutes on homework. But tests are challenging. And so are the “silly mistakes” she makes when she thought she’d get 100.
I said that internal drive is better than external reward, and what I meant was to help a Type 1 to have, in the flow of their life, a lot of fun, and also their work should be fun, with fun markers and stickers and no pressure. But no pressure is not saying that they don’t need help, because they often do. External motivation is very nice and also can be very very beneficial to help teach a kid a skill, because they’re much more motivated to learn when they’re thinking about what they’re earning. One problem with it is that a highly creative mind may sometimes means they bend the rules a bit and gradually try to do less work for more pay.
I find, for myself, that a huge gift I can give to myself is when I can help myself examine my goals and see if they’re realistic for a Type 1, and then if I’ve set the goal, that I work towards being able to keep it. This supports my relationships and choices I’ve made. When I do this, I can more easily find time for myself and the fun stuff I love, if I don’t and just do whatever fun stuff happens to me, it all lands on me the day after, all the things I neglected, ignored, or pretended didn’t exist.
Ensuring that the basics are in place has been good for me for the last few weeks. However I’m open to learning how to support my Type 1 nature better if it sounds like I’m being too heavy, and thanks to everyone for your input.
November 15th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Hi carol, I have been having trouble this last few weeks with kids bullying my type 1 daughter and I am T1 to. I feel so drained from all the ugly stuff thats going on. Just wondering if you could do a series to help out our kids and parents on how different types can deal with bullies
November 15th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Dear @Naomi, thank you for your comment, my reply would be the same for each Type. Get a copy of Remembering Wholeness at http://www.caroltuttle.com and learn why your children might be manifesting this and then clear it, change your beliefs, teach your children how to change theirs and create people honoring and respecting them. All victim experiences are rooted in a deeper belief of “I am mistreated and dishonored, and others take advantage of me.” This can be cleared and changed to “I am respected by others, they have my best interest in mind and I am treated with kindness.” Teach your children this affirmation and see what happens!
December 17th, 2010 at 10:52 am
Well, now that I figured out that I’m not really a 2 dominant and that I’m really a 1 dominant I finally have that relief and sense of joy and peace! When it came to getting homework or even chores done at home this is how it worked for me. I had to come home and watch my favorite show for about an hour, then have a snack. Then I could start my homework. After 30 mins to an hour (depending on what my homework was- like if it was fun or not) then I’d help make dinner. Then after dinner I’d finish my homework.
When I did my chores, my mom would make these lists for us and I hated it when they were so long and not fun! The jobs would have been more fun if someone else was doing them with me. I often would do a couple of jobs and then sneak off to go play with my friends because I just needed more fun in my day!
I was somewhat motivated by a reward system, but I can also see the one idea about talking it through to see the end outcome as a really good idea too. My parents didn’t do that too much. But I rarely think things through to the end so good idea to that person.
I remember one time my mom said I could go with her to a store and pick out something fun when I was done with my jobs. Well, I got done and she wasn’t around so I went to my friends house. Then when I got back I found out she had already gone without me and I was so sad to have missed out!