We end this Mother’s Day series with a look at our Type 4 bold, striking mom. A lack of understanding the nature of this Type of mom can cause a lot of unnecessary heartache in your life. When you understand the true nature of a Type 4 and honor this nature, your relationship can shift on a dime! Open you heart to allow more love and joy to flow in to your relationship with your mom. If it is good, let it be great. If it is great let it be exceptional. I hope all mom’s everywhere have the best Mother’s Day yet! Share the Beauty Profile Bundle with your mom this year. Just go to http://dressingyourtruth.com Helping your mom live her truth is one of the greatest gifts you can give her.
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May 9th, 2011 at 11:16 am
Carol,
Thank you so much for this blog post! I am a type 1 with a type 4 Mom and I wanted to share something with you, and your readers.
Before I understood this energy profiling system, I actually had an experience like this with my mother. I had decided to become an entrepreneur, so I quit my well-paying job and went for it. I had some trouble, and the business failed for various reasons, and I got into some serious debt. While all this was going on, my mother kept telling me “I should have done this” and “the worst isn’t over yet” and “next time you need to plan better” etc. Now, at the time I understood the law of attraction, however it had just recently been introduced to me so I still didn’t have a great handle on it yet. I had experienced tapping, and there was a tapping seminar where we talked about how to properly manage “the critical voice” both inside our heads and outside our heads. The way to manage the “critical voice” sounds exactly like what you are saying about type 4 moms. Basically, you change the focus to get the “critical voice” to work FOR you vs. AGAINST you. I sat down with my mom and I simply asked her, “how does telling me this help me?” And her answer was “I want you to be prepared for the worst”. So I asked her, “in this scenario, how does being prepared for help me succeed?” After thinking about it, she said, “It doesn’t.” I asked her, “then why worry about it?” She said, “I don’t want you to be disappointed.” I said, “Mom, I understand what you are trying to do, that you love me and you don’t want me to fail, but with everything I am going through, I can’t afford to worry about “what if things go wrong.” I must stay focused on succeeding. It’s the only thing that’s going to get me through all this! I will be okay if things don’t work out, but that’s not why I started this in the first place. I need your help, and I want to be prepared, but only if it’s something that I can fix for the purpose of my success. Otherwise, it’s a waste of my time to worry about it.”
This conversation completely changed the relationship between me and my mother. Today, she is still the Type 4 lady she always was, but now I feel like she supports me so much, I go to her for advice now, and it is so much easier to get the pieces that I need, vs. the “worry fluff” as I call it. So, Type 1′s, I know how hard it is to speak up, especially around the Type 4 personality, but like Carol was saying, if you are already uncomfortable, you may as well be productive doing it. It WILL pay off. Trust me.
By the way, I love you Mom!
-Brandy Stuttler
May 9th, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Thank you Brandy for this wonderful post.
May 9th, 2011 at 11:30 am
I always said that children didn’t come with handbooks and that is what made parenting so hard but now that is being proven wrong. Carol, you have started to present us with the handbook for parenting that will help us all provide better relationships within our families. I have been so blessed to find you over 8 years now and all the information you have provided for me has been such a great help. Raising two type 1/4 children and two type 4 children (one a 4/2 and the other a 4/1) as a type 4 mom has been very interesting. There are a lot of “our own authorities” living under our roof! I have appreciated all the information you have given in this series as well as in the parenting and couples series. It is a nice reminder on how to be the most loving parent and family that we can. Happy post-Mother’s Day! Thank you Carol.
May 9th, 2011 at 8:22 pm
Wow! So, how do you handle being the final and official authority with children who too believe they are their own authority? I have an 8 year old daughter I am pretty sure is a type 4 (still confused by her though, she likes to keep me guessing) and we butt heads frequently, even when she was a baby, because I knew what was best and so did she, but her best wasn’t my best and my best wasn’t her best. Did that just make sense? What pearls of wisdom can you offer me with all your experience with type 4 children?
May 9th, 2011 at 8:17 pm
First, OUCH! I am a type 4 mother and I have a type 4 mother. This segment was humbling. You described me to a T when stating type 4 mothers strive to be a perfect mother. I really do. So, to hear the comments about type 4 mothers can be controlling because we think we know best, hurt a little. I know it is true, I do think I know best, yet at the same I know I don’t know everything and I am completely open to criticism and correction. I actually thrive on it because I know it will only help me better. I am also very in tune to myself, my weaknesses, my areas needing improvement, and also my strengths that need to shine through more. As far as my mothering goes, I turn to my daughters frequently seeking understanding to their feelings and perception of certain situations. I seriously have a difficult time being a type 4 sometimes and I am learning a great deal how to be the best Mom, the best woman I can possibly be. I have taught my daughters they are free to speak openly with me. I don’t live anywhere near my own type 4 mother so I don’t have much to say in response to her. I am glad you ended this humbling segment by saying type 4s are wonderful mothers, thank you!
May 10th, 2011 at 7:42 am
As the daughter of a Type 1 mother I could truly relate to this. I am a 1, and still figuring out my 2nd (I have ALOT of 2 and 3 in me). Even as an adult and mother myself I found the video very helful. Suzanna’s words rang very true with me. My number one goal in life is to be a perfect mother. I relate to what you said on so many level. I often question “am I really a type 4 in some way” or “have a shoved myself into a type 4 and even 3 for so long out of necessity”? Through prayer and learning from all of Carol’s wonderful posts I feel I am getting closer to having it all “figure out”. Thanks Carol!
May 10th, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Thank you for this. I have been, true to my T4 nature, trying to ‘figure out’ my mother’s type for a long time. It seems clear now that we are both 4s, and that explains partly why we have the struggles we do. Of course, there is probably a lot of stuck energy as well that needs to shift.
At this point, we do not talk about certain topics like politics because it is not worth the conflicting points of view. We each are our own authorities! And we both trust only others we feel are an authority on something. There are things I am learning about that could really help her, but since she did not find it herself, she usually is not interested in these possibilities for her life. So that explains it better for me.
Well, my job is to continue to open up my heart. Right now, my heart is not open enough to want our relationship to be better or closer. Not that trusting yet, more energy clearing to do. That’s OK. We are all truly doing the best we can with what we know, believe, and have experienced thus far. Thank you for this series, Carol and Sarah!
June 8th, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Wow! I could not have landed on this link at a more perfect time! I’m about a month away from my wedding, and I’m just starting to solidify my suspcions that my mom is T4. I myself am a T4/2 and I think perhaps I didn’t want to ‘share’ my type, especially with someone who I perceive as so different from me,,, but she really is not, and its the similarities that make me crazy and polarize us sometimes.
This weekend was my bridal shower, and while it was not my event to plan, I was still very very worried about it. It took me months to find a nice classy dress in the colors that I wanted, that flattered me but also made me feel comfortable and sharp instead of just blending into the crowd (insane really how does the bride blend in at her own shower). Anyway the dress had a lot of sharp deep diagonal lines and wrinkled easily, so after having it tailored to fit, it took me almost 2 hours to iron it properly, and even when that was done I still had some portions that were not right. It made me nuts but eventually I resolved that I had done everything I could and moved on.
Then my mom came into the room, and started pressing on the dress, as if she could just ‘push it into place’. I said “I know its not perfect but no amount of ironing or fixing could resolve it, I tried for almost two hours and its kind of a sore thumb for me’. She kept poking as if it drove her nuts too (probably did!)
Anyway my long winded story was to demonstrate that we both saw the flaw, it drove us both crazy, but instead of seeing her as trying to help (which I did then and do now), I could only FEEL that she was being critical, and that (as with many wedding-related things) she didn’t appreciate the effort and concern that I had put forth to try to resolve it, and instead assumed I was a child that needed to be put together or told the right way.
I know the intent is always with love and care, and I know she’s never being malicious or hurtful intentionally. But it doesnt change that the more I understand myself the more I expect her to understand me (unfair I realize), and the more I really do not appreciate the second-guessing and constant reminders of potential flaws or potholes.
I think the wedding really makes it much more poignant that I’m an adult that doesnt need her constant mothering, and even though I never really did before,, she’s just pushing a bit more in an attempt to soften her heart’s blow of me being married and starting a new relationship outside of my immediate family.
July 8th, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Thank you so much for this! My mom (who was probably a T4) is no longer with us but it still helps me understand her better and be able to look at various experiences differently. I’m a T4 and wish I had this information years ago but am glad I have it now for my own future mothering. You are such a blessing and a great surrogate mom for all of us to learn from.