The-Carol-Blog-Insights-16

How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want Your Help

I get this question a lot, most often from wives who want to help their husbands by sharing energy healing, Dressing Your Truth, etc.

How can I share this with my husband if he doesn’t want to hear it?”

I want to share an answer I gave a TYPE 4SM woman with this very same question.

She could see the ways that her husband was stuck because he’d been shut down all his life for who he was. And she knew that energy healing and Energy Profiling could help him heal and be happy.

But this woman’s husband never seemed interested. And she worried that he wouldn’t embrace the help and insight she offered him.

How to help your husband or loved one—even if they’re not open to it yet.

UPDATE: This video was recorded in 2009 and our location has since moved —it is no longer in Draper, Utah. Visit our current Dressing Your Truth location.

Watch the video to learn the 2 surprising reasons why this woman’s approach wasn’t working with her husband.

Discover the damaging silent message that you might send when you try to share. And get some empowering ideas of what you CAN do to help someone live their truth!

Plus, don’t miss the P.S. I added to the end of the video when I had an a-ha! (it starts at 5:55)…

Thanks for watching. I’d love to hear your own ideas and experiences about how to help your loved ones. Please share your thoughts in a comment.

Let go of fear and share what you love

Have you learned something meaningful from me, from this blog, from Dressing Your Truth or the Carol Tuttle Healing Center that you really want to share with someone in your life?

You can!

Just remember what I said about how healing really happens.

I am confident that you will be able to help your spouse, friends and loved ones come into harmony with their natural expression. Just keep loving them for the people they are right now. And make sure you love yourself, too!

New: Dressing Your Truth for Men!

In 2013, we launched our brand new online resource to help men live their truth—and to help the women who love them learn how to better support and understand the men in their lives.

Dressing Your Truth for Men is an online course that helps men live true to their unique natures and be seen for who they truly are.

If you’re a woman looking to help your husband live his truth, get the men’s course for yourself even if he’s not yet ready to learn the information for himself. The course will help you immensely in seeing your husband’s true nature and loving him for who he really is. Then, when he IS ready, you’ll already have what he needs to move forward. And make sure you’ve gone through the Dressing Your Truth women’s course for yourself, too!

And if you’re a man reading this who wants to be appreciated, respected and understood for who you are, check out Dressing Your Truth for Men for yourself.


Carol Tuttle

Carol Tuttle is a teacher, speaker, healer, and best-selling author of five books. She has dedicated her life to helping people worldwide create the lives and relationships they desire. She blogs to support you in creating your ideal life.


Tell Us What You Think


  • Catalina

    It turns out he’s a type 2. I watched the t4-t2 relationship video and I sent it to him. I don’t knowvif he ever watched it because he never mentioned even that he got it. I did all the honoring and accepting of his type 2 that I could, he still won’t have a conversation with me about the rift in our relationship. For 3 or 4 years, he tortured me by humiliating me in public. I kept asking him to talk with me if I’ve been doing something that is upsetting him that he feels he needs to treat me like crap. At home, he acts like there is no problem superficially, day to day activity, but nothing personal nor certainly not affectionate or even close. For the last year, I just suffered trying to read his mind and not do anything that might offend him. Nothing worked. Finally, I decided to be myself and ask out loud, “Do you love me at all anymore?” He ignored me. Then he sent me an email and said his heart was hard and I deserve a better partner than him. So I accepted that he was working through some stuff. 7 months later, on a Saturday morning, he said he was going to his office to get a flu shot. An hour or so later, he returned. I was in the kitchen. He walked in an announced that he was packing a bag and leaving. I asked why and all the other obvious questions, such as why would you never talk to me if there were problem…for 2 solid hours, I asked in a very low calm voice. I was shocked and baffled. He never said a word just stood there and looked at me with his Basset hound face. Finally, I said, ” why don’t you just leave if we’re not going to have a discussion. Honestly, I don’t think we ever had a serious discussion. Later that week, I emailed him and told him I felt he was totally unfair in how he treated me and I deserve an explanation to what horrible thing I did that caused this. A week later, he emailed me that he would come over to ” continue our discussion.” I thought, “OMG, we’re actually going to talk. For once.” He showed up with a written speech and read it. I told him I was insulted that he refused to have a conversation with me. He told me I was being defensive. I said,”I wanted to talk with you and you read a speech. And most of what you said is not true. You have created a fictional character of me and you have been torturing me for years based on made up premises. Again, why didn’t you ever talk with me about this. We could have had a discussion. That’s what couples do.” He said, “I guess I was afraid that there would be a confrontation.” So, he was willing to throw away 15 years, just to avoid a confrontation that may not ever have occurred because I have been bending over backwards, not knowing that the “stuff” he was dealing with was a fictional problem he had with me. I’m not trying to say I’m perfect. I would have been more than willing to discuss and compromise, but I didn’t know I was the problem. I could go on all night. But, I have prayed about this, and I feel I did more than could be expected of me.

    • Bruce

      I would ask him one question: how have you fail to help me? Then, remain silent until he answers. Keep asking until you get an answer to that question. A person leaves a relationship because of transgressions the person committed in the relationship. In a weird way, he’s trying to protect you by leaving. Once he fesses up the main transgression, ask him then, how can he take responsibility for it or what can he do to take responsibility for it? Stop punishing yourself. Each person is responsible for their own condition. He needs to man up and accept responsibility for his role in the relationship. A relationship is something BOTH people created and brought into being. He is counter-creating the relationship. Why? What is he hiding from you? It could be simple as failing to help you some way. When individuals fail to help each other that’s the beginning of the fall of a relationship. Communication and understanding bridges that gap. Hope that helps.

      • Magic Goddess

        wow Bruce… thank you for sharing this…

        I felt inspired to look into the ways that I think *I* failed to support a relationship… and did EFT on that… feels amazing to SEE my perceptions of how I failed

    • http://AliRodriguez.com/blog Ali

      @Catalina…..It sounds like his confrontation has a name, and he is sleeping with her (or him.) – You were brave in sticking to trying to save the relationship, and yet, this probably is for the best, and now you can move on to start a journey of loving yourself first, so that you can really receive the mutual love that you and your next partner deserve.

      @Bruce….that’s a great question to ask. And yet, when one fails to help the other in a relationship thus causing a fall, do you really wait 15 years while making the other person feel like it is her or his fault?

    • Jennifer

      I just figured out that my Husband is a T1/3 (I’m a 4). I did this all behind his back, and then felt guilty, so I decided I better come clean with him. He hates to sit down and talk. I’m usually following him around talking to him, or car discussions are great for us. He also is and artist, so I find speaking with him while he is painting is good as well. For this however, he agreed to have a sit down. I explained everything I had done trying to figure him our. At one point I did read the ‘nature’ descriptions from IJMN. He liked the T1 best, until the bunny hopped by. As we discussed further, he agreed with my analysis, and then replied, “That’s it, I don’t have to go to a meeting, or buy anything, or go to a class?” I responded with no, but I would just like you to support me in this, because it has really helped me in so many ways.
      Honestly, it was so liberating!
      It was good to know that T4 tend to be a parent. I know that I did this for such a long time in our relationship, and guess how he battled me…with his T3ness. We had a lot of fire and ice going on for many years. It wasn’t fun. This has been a blessing to us. I understand him, and he is understanding me, and I feel for the first time, we really are getting to the supporting each other part of our relationship.
      On a funny side note. Yesterday I called my husband with listening to Carol’s “The Art of Manifesting” CD in the car. He didn’t answer the phone, so I got his VM, and thought I hung up, but I guess I didn’t, and so his voicemail picked up Carol’s voice in the CD. He thought this was my new way to indoctrinate him to the system. We had a good laugh.

  • Robyn

    @Catalina, some of those behaviors are sounding familiar to me. Is it possible that he has narcissistic tendencies, or even full-blown narcissistic personality disorder? I know/have known several narcissists, and a couple of things popped into my head as I read your story:

    – A narcissist will sometimes “confabulate” (fill in a gap in his memory with a made-up story that he believes to be fact).

    – Narcissists make themselves emotionally distant and unavailable unless they want something.

    – They have trouble admitting their mistakes because inside they feel scared and vulnerable. They try to hide – and hide from – their shortcomings. They repress their own feelings of shame, instead blaming others when things go wrong.

    A few months ago, as I was searching for information about the disorder, I found the following web sites that helped me understand NPD a little better.

    http://www.narcissismcured.com/narcissism-codependence-checklist.html

    http://www.narcissismdailymirror.com/

    I don’t know if this is what’s going on with your husband, but if any of this is ringing true, know that this disorder is a result of childhood wounds that have never been properly addressed/healed. If this is what is going on with him, know that you did not cause it – it came into being a long time ago. He’s in a dark place right now, and probably has no clue how to get himself out of it, never mind helping anyone else feel better. He may have lost faith that there could really be a source of help for him. If you love him and want to stay with him and repair your relationship, know that there is support and healing available for both of you. I have no doubt in my mind that Carol’s Healing Center can help you, as well as the resources in the links. The universe has no limits! Explore the possibilities….

    All the best to you!

  • http://www.yourmissingsecret.com Brandy

    Lol – I liked this a lot. I am a Type 1 with a secondary 3 and my mother is a Type 4 with a secondary 3. So, it’s an interesting dynamic because we are two opposite primary energies living in the same house, but our secondary energies make us powerhouses in those energies as individuals. And the other night, she and I got in this ridiculous fight over something really dumb, and this blog means something to me because in my mind I’m going, “Why can’t she just see this opportunity like I do! Why can’t she understand how important this is!” And I’ve learned that the best thing I can do, is to take this energy of seeing opportunities, and simply apply to what I do for me, and not try and force it on others. It’s a challenge, because I want everyone to have the same results I do, but also I understand that not everyone is like me in that way. Not everyone wants to walk to five miles to work “because they feel like it,” not everyone wants to be an entrepreneur, and not everyone wants to learn about what I learn with my passion. However, if I can take that high energy and get results for myself, then I can at least be an example for those who want to follow suit, and if asked, I can then give my two cents with what I know from my experiences. The other interesting thing that happened, was that after that fight, there was this lightness that was there, like we finally were okay with agreeing to disagree, yet we still love each other. And though she would not admit it outwardly, I saw signs in the house that she had taken my opinion to heart, and it’s bittersweet when I see type 4’s totally blow up at me, but then also see that they believed what I said. So, I thank God that even though sometimes we blow up at people, it never means that anger lasts. In fact, sometimes I wonder if it actually is what “clears the air”. Either way, I love her and the other type 4’s and secondary 4’s who inwardly value what I say. I hope they know that I appreciate everything they do as well.

  • Cecily

    I LOVE what Carol said about loving people where they are. How long did I turn a blind I to my creative role in my life? How many times to did I repeat ridiculous cycles just so I could prove my ridiculous beliefs correct? How many times did I want to spare my husband from living with me? How many people tried to help me before I was ready and got mis-interpreted as being too pushy or demanding?

    Respect the place people are in. Respect the place YOU are in. Typically, when I start pointing fingers at “why is [a particular person] choosing such stupid things?” it’s because I’ve let my critical nature (I’m T1/4) run my life so much that I’ve felt trapped by it and feel the need to put it on others. And then the criticism spreads until the original idea of “I’m boxed in and I’m to blame” comes around until I sabotage myself and prove myself right in my false beliefs.

    In short, I’ve found a lot of truth to the saying that when you point a finger at someone else, you’re pointing 3 back at yourself. Remember that everything in your life is what you want it to be. Be proud of yourself for the power you’ve presented in your creating process. You’re now one step closer to creating the life you want!