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How to Clear Your Mother-Daughter Issues

There’s no getting around it. If you have a mother (and we all do!), issues comes up. But these mother-daughter relationship issues might show up in your life in surprising ways.

In this video, I share why that is, plus a technique to help you start to clear your issues with your own mother. (Plus, see the photo of the 4 generations of mothers and daughters in my family at the end of this post!)

Who pushes your emotional buttons the most?

I’m grateful to have good relationships with my children. But we’re all still human, so even we can have our moments (yes, really!). It’s part of the beauty of being in relationship with another person.

Even if you think you had an almost-perfect mother, you’d still find yourself bumping up against some emotional issues.

Why?

Because other people are a mirror for us, to reflect back to us what is really going on within ourselves—and what is ready to be healed and released.

Watch the video and find out how my daughter Anne and I approach mother-daughter issues whenever our emotional buttons get pushed—and where those triggers really come from.

How are you honoring the mother-daughter issues that come up in your own life? Share your comments or your tips below. 

“Are you my mother?”

Whenever you notice your emotional buttons being pushed by someone, pay attention. It may be showing you that you’re still holding some baggage from your childhood that is actually related to a parent.

Doing the technique I shared in the video helps you to get in touch with your emotional self so you can clear what is showing up for you.

When other people get a rise out of you in such a way that makes you fee like a little kid again, pause and gain some perspective. You can tell yourself: “[Name of person] is not my mother.”

Then dig deeper and ask yourself: Is this person the same Energy Type as my mother (or daughter, or close family member)? Is this person reflecting some kind of behavior that I associate with my mother?

Know how to be a parent to your own true nature

I encourage you to my latest book, The Child Whisperer, and understand the 4 Types of children. Knowing which Type you are is extremely healing for adults, so you can learn how to better support your unmet childhood needs now as an adult.

God bless you,
Carol Tuttle

P.S. Here’s the special bonus photo for you: The 4 generations of mothers and daughters in my family! 

From left to right: my 81-year-old mother Judy (Type 2); me (Type 3); my daughter Anne (Type 2) and my granddaughter, Katie (Type 3)!

4 generations


Carol Tuttle

Carol Tuttle is a teacher, speaker, healer, and best-selling author of five books. She has dedicated her life to helping people worldwide create the lives and relationships they desire. She blogs to support you in creating your ideal life.


Tell Us What You Think


  • Catherine

    Aha! More proof my daughter is type 2. She realised when she was a very little baby, that having a wet nappy was far worse than having her nappy changed, so she would cry to tell me she needed a new one, and lie quietly and happily when I changed the nappy, with no fussing.

  • Pamela

    My Type 3 baby hates having his diaper changed, too, and gets so upset when he can’t have the dirty one back. After all, it’s his and he made it. It’s so funny!

  • Brandy Stuttler

    Thank you for this. In the past week I have cleared many issues with my Mom and family growing up. But for this particular session, it was triggered by something that happened yesterday. My mom offered me some tomato pot roast from the fridge. And even though I am grateful that she is offering something she cooked, in the 29 years I’ve been alive, I have never liked tomato pot roast. She knows this, or at least I figured she would. So it bothered me a bit. When I found that little child, I learned that the underlying issue connected to this was that I never got to be heard as a kid. My mother complains that sometimes I become obsessed with certain topics and talk about them too much, and now I realize it’s because I believe she doesn’t hear me, and it shows up in my experiences. It relates to the pot roast because as much as I never wanted to eat it as a kid, it never seemed to register to her, or it wasn’t important enough to register. I have talked about Dressing Your Truth with her for over a year now, and she still offers me black clothing (I am a type 1).
    Anyway, I found that little girl and the time where I had to speak up and felt powerless to be heard and understood as a kid, and gave her that support she needed, and my mother understood then. And now that I know what the real issue was, I bet next time my type 4 mother remembers that I don’t do pot roast or black clothing. ;-)

  • JessT1

    Thank you for this video Carol. I have been putting off watching it because of emotional issues surrounding Mother’s Day but I will probably watch it many times. I did the exercise and the little girl couldn’t even say anything, she just cried. I feel like that was a positive step toward healing. My nature was very suppressed as a child and there is a lot of emotional clearing involved in embracing it. The more “me” I am though, the less I am able to relate to my mom, since I’m not the T2 she raised me as. I hope that as the healing process continues that we can get back in touch. We used to have a good relationship but I wonder if it’s because I was being who she wanted me to be and not who I am. I bet it will help if I figure out her type and we can start honoring each other.

  • Nancy Niemi

    what a beautiful photo , we have a similar photo with each of our 4 kids, with Nana (my mum’s mum), Mamie, (my Mum) , me and my type 4 Ben, my type 1 Spencer,my type 3 Mariah and my type 1 Hannah, my Mum is a type 3 , and my Nana was a type 4, these are precious photos , hold onto them always , thank you again,God bless you

  • Sheryl Laughlin

    And then there is my son, now 19, who was the first child ever to attend kindergarten not potty trained. In the end, he went about 10 months changing his own pullups, which he did until…he didn’t. I have no idea how he learned to use the toilet, other than it was in his own time on his own terms.

  • M

    It’s so hard to do this, because my mother would never ever say sorry for anything. I’m just not that creative.

  • Marianne Dinsdale

    I found this really helpful as today my mum managed to upset me by accusing me of being late as soon as I walked in the door with my family. I was really taken aback and upset, true to my sensitive type 2 nature, especially as I had been worried all afternoon that I was trying to fit in too much by seeing too many family members, trying to make them comfortable, and in doing so, hadn’t been looking after my own needs. I think my mum is type 2 too, and I think she was getting anxious waiting for us to arrive, as she wanted to ensure my brother and I saw each other. My mum realised that she had upset me, and apologised. I was able to say that I had been trying to look after my husbands family too today though I still felt really hurt all afternoon. I did the exercise shown in the clip, and realised how healing it was as I was wounded by the comments from my overly anxious mum when I was growing up, especially when she was experiencing depression. Revisiting my 5 yr old self is helping. The hurt is still there, although at least I know how to help heal myself now.

  • Rebecca Lucas

    I loved watching the interaction between the two of you in this video, thanks for sharing so transparently. It was fun to complete the exercise and go back and visit my little 5-year-old self. My type 1 energy wasn’t accepted or enjoyed by my family-of-origin and it was delightful to go back and enjoy my bubbly little self before I began to lead with the more accepted type 3. I did the exercise with the intent of being there for my little 5-year-old self but as these visualizations tend to take on a life of their own, I was blessed by her message for me. And I’m enjoying what I’ve been learning as it has helped me be a better mom to my 17-year-old daughter. Yours is an incredible ministry, I wish I lived in UT because I’d come to work for you. :) As it is, I’m doing my part to spread the message in Oregon. :D