Every person has their emotional buttons pushed and gets upset at other people. We all have our pity party’s in response to feeling we are not being honored for who we are! Which Type of the 4 Types in Carol’s Energy Profiling system has the “tantrum” pity party?” Watch and learn how to not let this get the best of you! Does this sound like you? What’s your Type? Learn in my books what Type you are! http://myenergyprofile.com
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August 10th, 2010 at 8:32 am
Ha, the Type 1 pity party is the PERFECT description and understanding of AAAALLLLL of my high school years and early college, Oh. My. Goodness! Like if I had had this information a LOOONNGGG time ago it probably would have changed a lot of things a prevented deep pains, hurts, and misunderstandings that still continue in my family today. Thankfully, I now know a lot more about who I am and am more confident in my own skin and even though my family doesn’t have this information because they choose not to listen, it has made a huge difference for me and for them to live and understand my truth because I have been given a greater ability to have confidence in myself and to understand where they are coming from and why they respond to me the way they do. Now I don’t take it personally but am(usually:) patient and kind with them so that they can be happy and see who they are. Thank you for this, Carol.
August 10th, 2010 at 11:39 am
I appreciate having more understanding as to why I do the things I do, and act/react the way I do. This is a new angle for me to consider. I’ve always been known as the one who is happy and silly, but also very stubborn and rather unforgiving. I appreciate the knowledge, and am going to see how I can rein in these more unlikeable traits of my type 1 self!
August 10th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Boy, it’s like Carol and Sarah were narrating my younger son’s life! I can’t wait for the rest of this series!!
August 12th, 2010 at 12:10 am
this is amazing. Yesterday a type 1 person near me was throwing a tantrum like this. Yes, she just wanted attention. I hope this will help me next time with her – and with myself. I’m also type 1. At one point I told my family that I’d be extremely happy if every five minutes they’ll ask me how I’m feeling. They good-naturedly did so, and it made a real difference to me!! I felt much better and didn’t need to act out!!
August 14th, 2010 at 9:39 am
Had to watch it twice before I could “own” it. I thought I didn’t throw tantrums because as I was growing up I was never allowed to by true to my type 1 nature but after listening AGAIN I realized that I do throw tantrums. I just do it in my head.
I can now appreciate something about not being allowed to be true to my type 1 nature. I am glad I wasn’t allowed to throw tantrums – nobody wants to be around when that is happening. Thanks Carol
September 16th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Oh, this is me too! I learned early on not to display any kind of anger or irritation, in order to keep peace in the family unit, and so I’ve been holding interior pity parties for a long time (yeah, not healthy I know – I’m changing!!!)
But there is a family legend about how, as a toddler, I forced my parents to buy me a bed earlier than they’d planned. I was put to bed in my cot because I’d screamed at my Dad at lunchtime – and I was so mad, I jumped up and down and went THROUGH the cot base LOL!!!
So I’m guessing the tantrum is my natural expression underneath the polite English exterior
August 15th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
I’m a T2 and have experienced my share of T1 children (and adults)throwing these attention seeking tantrums. What is the best way to help them through the issue allowing them to get positive attention when their actions are attracting negative attention? From a T2 perspective, the T1 tantrum feels over the top and inappropriate so the tendency might be to get triggered by that, but that doesn’t help the situation any. Any suggestions?
August 31st, 2010 at 3:20 pm
I second Danielle’s question. How do the other types support a Type 1, particularly one who doesn’t know Energy Profiling? Should we try to give them more positive attention and praise when they are feeling this way? I have fallen into the trap of judging them as immature.
September 1st, 2010 at 12:32 am
Hi Danielle, Hi Kathy. I’m not an expert, but I am Type 1, and I can tell you what I find supportive. A listening ear. A little gift, like a really favorite chocolate goes a LONG way. the words “I want to help you”, genuinuely meant. “I’m sorry”, even if it’s not totally true yet.
I don’t know if this is true for all Type 1′s but I HATE metaphor, I like simple talking. I hate any expressions. I’m very intelligent, but I like people to say what they mean. When I’m upset, I’ll feel even more wild if people use expressions or even extraneous words. By contrast, regular talking is very soothing. An example of an expression is: “why are you making such a fuss about nothing?” Well, it may be small, but it’s not nothing. So instead of calming down, I’ll get even more worked up about your inaccuracy. Whereas if they’d have said “why are you making such a fuss about what might turn out to be only a samll thing?” I’d calm down a lot.
an example of extraneous words is “most probably”, when “probably” would have sufficed. When I’m upset, I get very childish, and I take every word literally. If you added a word, you must have been trying to add more meaning. What more meaning? It must be important or you wouldn’t have said it. But I can’t work out what it is! Can’t you say that meaning clearly? In the meantime my frustration is just mounting.
Ditto with expression in your voice. You must mean something by it. I don’t know what you’re trying to convey (probably it’s just your own impatience and frustration) but I react to it badly. Sound calm and keep repeating. I want to help you. I’m sorry. Assume you’ve done something wrong and not been supportive enough in ways you aren’t yet aware of.
Type 1s often feel very unsupported, but while other types may need help getting up from a down state, they need help coming down from an up state. So the support is in the reverse direction! I want to help you, I want to be with you, I want to connect.
They typically aren’t asking from you what you think they are wanting. It’s more an openness to a change of attitude they want, than hard work. You can do everything for them, and they’re still unsatisfied, because they wanted your support in helping them do certain things, rather than in you taking over from them.
As I said, I’m not an expert, and this description of how I feel may be inaccurate – eg it may be because of my secondary, or just personal to me. But that’s some tips that might help some people, I hope it helps you and your loved ones.
September 1st, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Rachel,
Thank you – I appreciate you sharing what works for you! I can see some of what you talk about in one of my Type 1 friends — mainly that he just wants to be supported and connected with. As a Type 4, I’m always trying to identify how he could improve the situation or do better next time, eek!
September 14th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
I cracked up when I listened to this, I can’t believe how dead on I was pegged! GUILTY! I totally related to the part about having a pity party when an authority tells me what to do. I think to myself a lot “I don’t care IF you’re right, I’m doing it this way anyways!” and it’s not until my idea doesn’t turn out well that I’m like “Huh… maybe I should’ve listened…”
I listened to this a few weeks ago, and since then I’ve been able to spot when I’m starting my tantrums, and it’s been easier for me to stop them as I’ve realized I was upset, (because I don’t realize when I’m upset a lot of times, I just am) and I was able to turn my negative feelings to be more positive, or even just head somewhere by myself to kind of cool off. Thanks for posting this!
September 21st, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I appreciated the feedback on how to support Type 1s in their pity parties.
How do I support them in their ideas? I have learned that I do not need to hold Type 1s responsible for following through on ALL their ideas, but how can I show them that I think their ideas are good, and that I remember their ideas, without applying pressure to make them feel like they have to follow through, or feel judged if they haven’t followed through, or if they have already forgotten about the idea?
September 21st, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Say to them, “great idea!” and let them decide what they want to do with it, rather thinking you have to do anything. I have 2 Type 1 adult children and unless the idea involves me it is not my role to get any more involved than to say “great idea!”
September 21st, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Thank you Carol!!
So is just the one time enough? I guess if they bring it up again, obviously we can reaffirm that, but we don’t need to make an effort to bring it up or show that we’ve remembered it?
In my last relationship, I knew nothing about energy profiling. He was a Type 1, and I was a Type 4. Sadly, my response EVERY time was to go through in detail how we would need to change and perfect the idea for it to work in the real world. I also thought he was irresponsible for not following through on the ideas. I don’t know that energy profiling would have saved the marriage, but I am so glad that I know it now!
May 5th, 2012 at 10:30 pm
I could say that I wish I had known this information a year ago before my last big “tantrum” on FB that involved a family member, but in actuality, if I hadn’t of gone through that last big tantrum and experienced all the pain and darkness I created for myself, I wouldn’t have been open to changing and growing like I have over the last year. I am such a better person now and am only getting better as I remember my perfect self! But this information IS good to know NOW with my 4 year old Type 1 son!