Every person has their emotional buttons pushed and gets upset at other people. We all have our pity party’s in response to feeling we are not being honored for who we are! Which Type of the 4 Types in Carol’s Energy Profiling system has the “silent” pity party?” Watch and learn how to not let this get the best of you! Does this sound like you? What’s your Type? Learn in my books what Type you are! http://dressingyourtruth.com
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September 14th, 2010 at 10:05 am
Thank you Carol! This is one I’ve been waiting on. I know I have a
T4 husband and a T2 daughter and they are constantly butting heads. He’s very black and white, 1 shot and your done. Over the years I’ve been able to read when he was upset and am able to get him to open up to me most times now.
September 14th, 2010 at 10:38 am
My teenage son is a Type 4 and had to laugh when you spoke particularly about “everyone else are idiots” but also the icy disdain and the cold shoulder sulk. But the amazing thing is he is one of the first out of all our family to apologize if he feels he said things too harshly, something that I truly respect him for – especially if you give him time to reflect after a disagreement. The rest of our immediate family does not seem to have this clear insight to reach an apology like he does. Perhaps it’s that “black and white” vision that he has – but just a caveat – even though he says he’s sorry for hurting others’ feelings he never admits he’s wrong!
September 14th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Well, lucky for you Carol and Sarah, you made me laugh. Otherwise, I would have cut you off forever!! Seriously, I think you handled taling about the type 4 pity party with style, and substance. You hit the icy thing dead on: it’s not pre-meditated, it’s automatic. And as my husband says, it’s like being in the presence of a Dementor (from Harry Potter): you can feel the chill from across the room, and it feels like no one will ever be cheerful again!
Thanks for the tips on staying human!
September 14th, 2010 at 11:19 am
Dear @Susan, glad we passed your T4 test!! : ) Whether you T4′s give me the credit or not I happen to be a T4 Expert! PS: You had one little typo! I think taling was meant to be talking! I just had to throw that in since you guys are always editing me! Love you all!
September 14th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Oh yeah!! Carol is the expert on Energy profiling. The first time I heard her describe a type 4–she was right on. Because of my nature I generally think people “don’t get it” or “don’t understand me”. I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt understood. The whole experiences brought tears to my eyes. Someone finally understood me and my nature.
September 14th, 2010 at 11:05 am
SO right on perfect! loved the ending comment .. ya … I will try to remember that “invitation” to join the human race! : D : D Oh and you girls look fabulous!
September 14th, 2010 at 11:56 am
I am a Type 4 and have watched all 4 Pity Party videos. I was anxiously awaiting this one to see what your advice would be for me! This one definitely is the closest for me, though I don’t fit it entirely. Or maybe I will just have to pay better attention next time I feel this way and see if I really do think everyone is an idiot
The other day someone asked me if I do the silent treatment, and I said “no, but I retreat.” So that part is definitely me. I am sure I emit the icy energy too, though I don’t think that I take it to extremes, with the cold shoulder/punishing. And I warm back up very easily with a simple hug or expression of love from the other person. I will watch and see what I do in the future 
September 14th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
I forgot to add — I am loving Dressing Your Truth and Energy Profiling. It took me a year to bite the bullet and jump in, because I too thought it was “crap”. EVEN NOW, when I have received so many insights and have had so much fun with it (and look so great), I still fall into thinking there’s no way we can classify people into types and expect to get anything out of it. I guess my point is that Type 4′s may have these feelings, and they should do DYT and Energy Profiling anyway!
September 14th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Okay Carol. You hit it right on the head. (or more precisely–me on the head) I DO THAT. (LOL) And I am aware of it but I don’t like it. When I am having a pity party I know it and try to keep away from people because I know all too well how I react when my emotional buttons are pushed. As a type 4 it is difficult for me to hide my feelings or switch my feelings real fast. How can us type 4′s better handle ourselves so that we are not hurting people, especially the ones we love the most?
September 14th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Dear @Laurie,
First thanks for the T4 testimonial, it actually does mean a lot to me.
In response to your question, trust that having a conscious knowledge of your emotional tendencies is going to give you a lot of power in managing yourself in a favorable, effective way. As we mentioned at the end of the video, take time to reflect and sort your emotions and thoughts out, without having to turn your reflection time into the extreme. We all go into extremes with our Types “pity parties” when we believe we are not heard or understood. That limiting belief is at the core of all extreme behavior for our Types. So, clearing that limiting belief will serve everyone. When you are believing and feeling “nobody hears me or understands me” feel it deeply and then tell the truth about it, which is “I am worth being heard and understood and experiencing that now!” If you are in to emotional tapping, you can throw that in too!
September 14th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Tap, tap, tap. EFT here I come. I hear what you are saying. Thank you for the input. No matter what your type, we all need to do–Negative Thought Detection. Positive Thought Selection. But it is so nice to “hear” about my type in this kind of situation, feel heard, and then I feel more motivated/powerful to take care of it on my own. Thank you for the validation Carol!
September 14th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Had to laugh at the one chance thing. I really don’t like peoples crap, they mess up it is really hard to let it go. However, if I know it was a true mistake and unintentional I will give you a second chance. Thanks for more insight, always look forward to it.
September 14th, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Hee, hee. I feel validated that I predicted the Type 4 Pity Party would be presented as “No one understands meee!” and yes you are right on that part b of that part is “And they are all stupid!”
I have to laugh at myself on reflection. If they are stupid, then why am I expecting them to understand me?
September 16th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
ROFL – this is my T4 hubby in a nutshell!!!
Thankfully I learned years ago how to manage my own response to him, without knowing about the energy work – but before that used to think he was punishing me by sulking as an extreme sport. Yikes!
Now I let him do his thing because my emotional welfare isn’t his responsibility. He comes out of it eventually and then we can talk about it. I do love my T4 sweetie!
September 16th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Oh good, Carol–you passed my test!! You DID notice the typo!!
Okay, actually, you caught me. You don’t know HOW MUCH I agonized; I saw the typo right after I posted, and COULD NOT find a way to edit.
Sonya, I just love your comment,” If they are studpid, then why am I expecting them to understand me?” That’s exactly what I was thinking!
September 17th, 2010 at 9:33 am
Sonya and Susan- Do you really believe other people are stupid? It’s really just a T4 scapegoat to blame others and not be accountable for your own creations! I hope you are both just kidding around! Otherwise you might want to look at this pattern and see how it is not serving you to judge others as incompetent and inferior! You will keep attracting what you judge and continue to keep yourself in this loop of a false sense of superiority which is only a mask that covers your deeper sense of false inadequacy and inferiority that you may have picked up the lie of in your childhood! All Types are equally as valuable and capable, and when you judge someone else as stupid or inferior you are only judging yourself. I really hope that everyone who is a student of Energy Profiling understands that knowing these tendencies is a means to help us manage them in appropriate ways that honors ourselves and others and is not just permission to act in ways that create judgment, conflict and disharmony.
It is important to me that my blog is a place where everyone feels honored and understood. Thanks! Carol
September 20th, 2010 at 9:27 am
That was a bit harsh, I though. It is difficult for T4 to think differently if that’s their energy. And I think it’s admirable that T4 people are writing honestly about the way they feel and think. I’d say these T4 comments prove that T4 are self-critical and that they analyze their behavior deeper than other types – not in a self-indulgent way – but rather to find a where they went wrong and improve themselves.
September 20th, 2010 at 11:39 am
Dear Nat, Thank you for your comment. I agree that it is great to see so many T4′s sharing so openly. I have also experienced that of all the Types, T4′s are the most closed to this information, thus my reason for choosing to be blunt! Ironically my bluntness is very T4, (my secondary!), and your response is typical of how other Types can feel in response to a T4 being blunt and straightforward! That it can seem harsh when not understood. Thanks again for your comment. Carol
September 21st, 2010 at 11:07 am
[i]I really hope that everyone who is a student of Energy Profiling understands that knowing these tendencies is a means to help us manage them in appropriate ways that honors ourselves and others and is not just permission to act in ways that create judgment, conflict and disharmony. [/i]
This month I had 2 people specifically express this very concern. My father who has been on a self-reflecting path for a few months now wants to understand his T4ness and work with the areas that would offend or be challanging to others. He has expressed several times that understanding the energy profiling should not be enabling people or giving them permission to not work on self-improvement or getting along with others. He went so far as to express a concern that this knowledge would allow parents to simply ‘right-off’ certain behaviors rather than educate their youth or it would allow people to simply use it as an excuse for themselves to be socially inappropriate. How T4 of him to want to improve something?!
September 21st, 2010 at 3:24 pm
I agree Kristine, in my Type 3 practical, common sense nature I assume that people just get that when they are reading a “self-help” book! Carol
September 20th, 2010 at 8:22 am
Carol! You have once again hit it dead on accurate! My sons are both Type 4′s and this behavior is my oldest son to a T. I wish I could get him interested in EP as it would benefit him so much; the good news is that as we as a family are working together better and healing up and blossoming emotionally and spiritually, he is coming ’round. He doesn’t live at home and he is finally relaxing into the kindhearted and beautiful man he truly is on the inside and the ice is thawing. As a Type 3,I cannot help but say “about finally time!” but I say it to myself and then EFT so I don’t carry that judgment outward to him. Seriously, what a blessing you’ve been to us all.
Hugs and keep up the great work.
September 20th, 2010 at 8:37 am
In all seriousness, I am so glad that my family is healing as we learn to accept our differences without those judgments and enjoy the ‘aha – so that’s why…..’ moments together.
Thank you for what you do.
September 20th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
I relate with Nat’s comment that Type 4 people are self-critical. . . BIG TIME! I can’t imagine being that critical and mean to others as I am to myself – not even close. Type 4 people may not admit this fact out loud but it is true. Knowing this is helping me change and be more loving to myself and others. Knowing this might help others realize why 4′s don’t want to be wrong. If they are wrong then they will REALLY have to kick themselves. don’t make a big deal of it – just let them be wrong.
September 21st, 2010 at 11:26 am
I agree with you, Sheryl, that T4s are very critical of themselves as well and search for self-improvement – they have to make everything better, but the vibe that we (non-T4s) are stupid can be so strong that it feels like superiority – especially when it is simply a different way of doing something.
Understanding EP has improved my T4 relationships tremendously – I am surrounded by them!
September 21st, 2010 at 5:36 am
Did it ever occur to you that we don’t want to join the human race- we think it stupid! One of my biggest challenges is coping with the experience of being here surrounded by idiots!
September 21st, 2010 at 7:56 am
Dear Cecilia, I know being overly critical of yourself and others is a challenge for Type 4′s. I also know that what we put out returns to us multiplied. I would suspect that you also have the challenge of “others” not understanding you and judging you in a negative light. Your negative judgment of others is just a way to distract yourself from the pain of not feeling understood. These patterns begin when we are young, when our parents did not understand our true nature.? I invite you to take a look at your pattern and open your heart to your true self and to others. There is a favorite metaphor that I wrote in my book “Remembering Wholeness.” It goes like this:
“A woman was moving to a new city, she asked her friend who lived in this same city, ‘what kind of people live in your city?’ The friend asked, ‘what kind of people live in the city are you moving from?’ The woman replied, ‘stupid people that are idiots, there is hardly anyone I like!’ Her friend answered, ‘the same kind of people live in this city!’
A different woman was also moving to the same city and had the same friend. She also asked this friend ‘what kind of people live in your city?’ The friend also asked, ‘what kind of people live in the city you are moving from?’ The woman replied, ‘Kind, loving people who I admire and have wonderful relationships with!’ The friend answered, ‘the same kind of people live in this city!”
The moral of the story is you will create exactly what you believe and a lot of people will show up to play the part for you to make you right!
Love, Carol
September 21st, 2010 at 11:17 am
I read this is your book and I love this metaphor! It is so very, very true.
September 22nd, 2010 at 4:46 am
Hey Carol. Thanks for your reply. On a good day my critical/judgemental nature becomes simply discerning! I spend a lot of time using it to repair the damage caused by other people’s limitations and thus make my contribution to the planet. It is however EXTREMELY frustrating! I am very good at being understood and at accepting differences. I just don’t enjoy them.
According to face profiling- I am type 1 with 4 secondary! I have not been able to adopt a type 1 style- it feels too ungrounded and unstructured.
September 22nd, 2010 at 5:55 am
Consider the possibility Cecilia, you are the only one perceiving that others are causing damage due to what you perceive to be their limiting nature’s. I choose to see it as all perfect and am opportunity to see how much judgment I still carry towards others if someone pushes my buttons, it’s not them, it’s me. In that state of accountability I can clear my issues, I change, miraculously other people change towards me, and life is SO fun! Based on your Facebook Profile pic, I can see both T4 and T1 in your facial features, maybe you do lead with Type 4. If you lead with Type 1 there is a T1 little girl in there that is dying to come out and play! It may not feel safe to you, many T1′s adapt heavily to their secondary nature due to events int their childhood, but they can never find true happiness as an adult since they feel they have to hide their core true self. Life is drudgery if that is how we believe we have to live.
PS- Have you read Remembering Wholeness? My other book? I highly recommend it. It will teach you how you are creating all of this and that is why you always will be right!
September 28th, 2010 at 4:48 am
I have realised that beyond my frustration with people, is a frustration with Creation! I think the whole world is stupid! (People are just doing the best they can with what they’ve got and in my work I see a lot of people down on their luck.) I have been told by a couple of Personal Development teachers that what I need to do is forgive God! That seems pretty bizarre! Who am I to tell God he got it wrong! I am exploring different understandings of “Why are we here/what is it all about?….” to expand and re-frame my current concepts to get me to a better place.
September 21st, 2010 at 8:38 am
Dear Carol,
After reading your comment on Facebook this morning on what Cecilia wrote I had to reply to your question of what do you think.
I too for a very long time due to not knowing my TRUTH felt this way about a lot of people, Not everyone just the vast majority of the planet.
This behavior has crushed a lot of vital relationships out of thinking that in someway my life had lead me to be very witchy dysfunctional. With this it has also lead me to know that I was not understanding other types as well. A friend of mine is the one that got me started and hooked on the concept of living for ones Engergy TRUTHS and well to be honest what I once though was a bad thing Example: The ice riddled room frezzing nature of Mr. Freeze from Batman, or the ability to walk in to any mess, situation, or blunder and find the mistakes and or faults and get things back on track. I have finally learned that it does not make me the fridged witch and that this in someway makes me less of a person that I have to go off and personlly punish myself for my behavior. I have just learned that as a T4 I have to evaluate others and say how does a 4 interact with T1, 2, and 3. I think that since T4′s have the ability to be constant, still, precise, exact, and structured this gives them the advantage of thinking before they act or speak.
September 21st, 2010 at 9:22 am
Everything you talked about in this video is me to a T! I really need to show this video to my husband, and I would like him to read the book too, but it may be some time before he can get to it. I am one of those who takes it to the extreme.
September 21st, 2010 at 11:38 am
Thank you for such a positive illustration in reply to a post that was so negative and off-putting, Carol. It is a very good illustration and one doesn’t need to lead with a Type 4 energy to have had those feelings; just being a thoughtful person in our pre-programmed, add water and mix or it’s too hard world is enough to head that way if not careful.
I appreciate it as it’s very good food for thought. Getting out of our own heads and realizing that just because someone else is not vocalizing or emoting their feelings doesn’t mean that they, too, don’t share our experiences and as a T3/4 this has helped me very much to slow down and not require instant feedback and to relax into letting life and relationships unfold. They are such rewarding experiences when we do this.
Your Pity Party videos are dead on accurate and helpful and my whole family is grateful for you and what you do.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:47 pm
WOW!!! This is soooo my husband.I have suspected that he could be a T4. We just had a MAJOR discussion again (married 25 years) I was typed a T4..still not 100% sure but ..Getting out of the head is a good thing…
September 21st, 2010 at 5:36 pm
What I love about these Pity Party vlogs and Energy Profiling is the empowerment it gives us to understand ourselves and people better, and that Carol makes suggestions of what to watch out for, how our pity parties can hinder our relationships, what challanges our energy type faces, and how to work with it so we can all get along. It is my understanding that the intent is for us to see the beauty in each type and to respect people for their types; that no one type is more valuable or better than another.
September 21st, 2010 at 10:12 pm
Carol has said on Facebook she is complete with this conversation, but I hadn’t until now seen her response to my comment, so for those who want to read, here it is.
As Carol herself has noted, when Type 4s use the word “stupid” it’s a word of frustration — something is not right, not good enough, and not at all comfortable for us.
I laughed at myself thinking the self-pitying thought, “No one understands me and they’re stupid” because really, “if they are stupid, how can they understand me?” Carol worried that I was denigrating people with this attitude.
Actually, it’s a point of opening up — “If they are “stupid” (imperfect, as we all are), why am I expecting them to perfectly understand me?” It’s not a reasonable expectation. So as soon as I accept a person misjudging me as a good, decent, imperfect human being, then I can open up and try to reach out for understanding.
Hey, to join the human race, we have to accept imperfections in ourselves and in others. Then we’re all a lot friendlier, I find.
February 3rd, 2012 at 7:23 am
Wow, you just cleared up a whole lot regarding my family for me. I’m a type 4, and I’m pretty sure that everyone in the family I grew up in is a Type 4 as well (four siblings, two parents) with the exception of my older sister. We were kind of a mess of people sort of thinking everyone else was stupid when we were mad. I’ve been pretty sure that my daughter is a Type 1, and until I read this I was wavering back and forth as to whether my 14yo son is a Type 4, but I’m pretty certain now that he is a Type 4. I think that maybe he’s been more difficult for me to figure out because he’s the most like me, lol. The funny part for me, with parenting my kids, is that I don’t get angry very often: but I have been guilty of black and white thinking with them for sure! What’s weird is that after growing up with my parents, I thought I’d gotten good at not doing that with others, yet with my kids I still really struggle. And when I get really upset with them I don’t usually need to get mad verbally. I just give them what they laughingly sometimes call the “look of death,” which maybe I could also call the “icy stare!” Ha! Poor kids. We do laugh a lot, though. Thankfully, my secondary Type 1 helps me through some of that.