This article is the second in a two-part series.  To read part one please CLICK HERE.

Lies we think are love (cont’d)

5.  I have to suffer to get love

People in abusive relationships are creating this pattern and are not familiar with healthy love and how it operates in a relationship.

If you were beaten, slapped, hit, physically punished in your childhood or that pattern has been in your family, you may believe that love is being hurt.

You will even sabotage healthy relationships to create this so you can feel your familiar experience again.

6.  I have to fix people to be loved

Many people have a deeper belief that if they are not helping people get better they have no value. If they have no value, they cannot be lovable.

The problem with this pattern is if you need to fix sick and dysfunctional people in order to feel loveable, you will continually attract these people into your life and they will not get well. You need them to be “unfixable” so you can stay “loveable.”

7.  I have to control you to make it safe to let you love me

Control is one of the biggest patterns in relationships. The deeper belief is “I will control you before you control me.”

It is common for two controllers to be together in a relationship both only seeing the other in the controlling pattern. I have worked with numerous couples where both are controllers.

I will ask them separately, “Who do you believe controls the relationship?”They will always say the other one does.

Blame is a big part of the controller’s experience. Victim energy is at the root of the pattern. At a deeper level if you still believe you are a victim, you may use control to create a feeling of safety to prevent yourself from ever being a victim again.

8.  I have to please others to be loved

This pattern is often the other common opposite of a controller pattern. It is more common for women to play this role in a relationship with a controlling man.

In this pattern the person always is thinking of other people before they think of themselves.

Everything they think or say is processed with the underlying thought “what will other’s think, what do other’s want, what do I have to do or say to make sure they are happy.” Chronic fatigue and other energy depletion disorders are common with this pattern.

9.  If I let you love me, you will leave me

Abandonment is at the core of this pattern. If you were abandoned as a child you may fear that the people you love get hurt, die or go away. In order to prevent this from happening you will not let a relationship go very far or you will sabotage it first.

It is common to hold the deeper belief  “I’ll abandon you before you abandon me” because you are still believing that every relationship ends in abandonment so you might as well be in control of it.

That way it doesn’t hurt as much and it is more predictable.

10.  Love hurts, relationships are painful

This belief will only support you in creating unhealthy, painful relationships. You will continue to attract people that you create a lot of pain with. You will support your relationships in being painful in the way you perceive them, think about them and the choices you make in them.

You will go from one relationship to another feeling victimized and hurt wondering when real love will come your way. Or you will believe you’re stuck in a relationship that can never work and feel you will never be happy.

What We Can Do to Heal These Patterns

The first step is to understand that your beliefs create your experience. So whatever you believe either subconsciously and consciously is what you are getting in life. If you don’t like what you are getting change your beliefs.

Many of these beliefs are at a subconscious level and are generational beliefs. That means that we come from a long line of people that have carried the belief and have created the experience that matches it. Limiting beliefs are also rooted in our childhood experiences.

You have a lot of opportunity to take control of the phenomenal power of your mind to release these old beliefs and create new ones. If you are really stuck I recommend a tool like Rapid Eye Technology that releases the energy that supports these old beliefs and patterns staying in place.

Look at your relationship experiences and notice what you keep experiencing. What keeps getting recreated in your life. This will tell you a lot about what relationship beliefs you hold.  Change your relationships by changing your beliefs. I recommend my book Remembering Wholeness: A Personal Handbook for Thriving in the 21^st Century to help you with this.

Healing the Lies So We Can Love Ourselves and Be Loved

Everyone carries limiting beliefs and patterns that they came to clear. In clearing these energies we heal the lies that we thought were truth about ourselves.

We thought they were true because we kept having the experiences that made us think “this keeps happening to me so it must be true!” As you change your belief, you change your life, and understand now that you can create whatever you want.

I believe that God set in place within each of us the real energy of love. It is a powerful energy just waiting to be awakened. Another person cannot awaken it. Only you hold the key to the energy of real love inside of you.

As you open and honor this energy by loving yourself, forgiving yourself and being kind and patient with yourself, you are then free to receive the real love others have to offer you. If you are a controller and/or a blamer, the first step for you is to take accountability for your life and own your life creation.

No one can create your life but you. God wants to co-create a life of joy, wellness and prosperity with you. He cannot do it for you, only with you. Choose now to create healthy loving, honest relationships that add value to your life.

Be willing to end any relationships that cannot be healthy. Hold as your motto or mantra,

“I am worthy of real love. I deserve to be loved and admired by a healthy loving person.  I am attracting people that can and want to create healthy loving relationship with me. I am ending relationships that cannot be healthy. God loves me and I love myself.”

Learn powerful healing techniques to release the issues that are causing pain and disharmony in your life and relationships on Carol’s best-selling Audio CDs Clearing the Issues that are Keeping You Stuck and Single! and her Marital Bliss : Understanding the Masculine and Feminine in Marriage. Just click on the title to review this product and all of Carol’s life-changing books, CDs and DVDs that are highly recommended by Dr. Mercola.

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